Thursday 23 January 2014

Impractical Declarations



Ok, so Nemesis loves me?

What now?

We would have a proper discussion about this upon his return. I will gloat a little bit for a moment here…I had known these were his feelings for a while now; you know a woman just knows these things. It was never a matter of “if” but “when” he was going to up and say something. No way was I going to be the one to say it first although I had been basking in the feeling for a while now.

Despite all that I will say about being a strong woman and not being a girly girl, I still believe very strongly in the status quo and our traditional roles as men and women. Men chase, woo, provide and so on: Women get chased, get wooed and get provided for. Simple. But since the world changing has absolved us as humans of our prime responsibilities to self and the notion of family we can excuse you for being like me. I for a long time believed some bitter old spinster stepped up and grabbed a machete and drove it deep into the back of Chivalry, twisting it and stabbing him a couple of times for good measure and just to make sure he was well and truly departed from his mundane but overrated existence…I say again- the concept is dead

Since I had known that this was coming I had for a while been practising appropriate responses to this imminent revelation. Appropriate responses all of which deserted me when I needed them the most. The man was in tears telling me his deepest innermost feelings and I was sitting there wracking my brain trying to remember the right words to say and clutching at straws in the dark (imagine, with my eyesight) I was so disappointed in myself that I started to laugh.

Nemesis was gobsmacked!

He loves me and I am rolling around on my bed in fits of uncontrollable laughter? Little did he know that I was kicking myself wishing I had written down all the various answers I had for all the various scenarios I regularly played in my head. You know the way it is when you are a primary school going girl and that guy you have a crush on even half glances at you. You rush home and start practising signing letters and important documents with your first name’s initial and his surname. You all know the type of heady and giggly, presumptuous pubescent mannerisms I’m talking about. We all did it!

Ok…enough deflecting- I had to face the revelation. I just went “Awwwww” read like a thousand ‘w’s in that. It just went on and on. I could tell he was in his deepest feelings right there and I didn’t want to just shoot the man down. So I asked instead if he knew what he was talking about, what it meant.

He assured me he was dead certain and had been for a while (I did say this, remember?)He had just never found the opportune time to tell me. I asked if he wasn’t just saying things because he felt sorry for me and because I sounded suicidal. He again emphasised his sincerity.
I needed an escape quickly so that I could find my mental notes and regale him with all the possible responses I had rehearsed. Brick wall.

So I asked if he could excuse me so that I could go and relieve myself. This in itself was odd because I have been known to do this with the phone pressed between my head and shoulder trying to balance it away from falling into the cistern and smouldering the raucous noise flushing it produces. I actually put the phone down on my pillow and moon-walked to the lavatory, pumping the air with excited fists and half wetting myself with the sudden activity. My body isn’t used to feeling joy -it’s so bad that the thing doesn’t know what to do with itself.

After leaving less than 10ml in the loo…apparently I wasn’t actually in need of relief I calmed my voice and tentatively got back on the phone. I drawled supinely that I was back and proceeded to listen to him continue extolling the virtues of my character and the how-many-ways-he-loved me as if I was used to this kind of glorification. I took a hard stance and again asked what ‘this’ now meant. He explained that his dreams and his work remained the same and nothing would ever change that, was I in a position to handle that.

“Hearts will never be practical until they become unbreakable”
- Wizard of Oz


I lay there mentally screaming….WAY TO BURST A BUBBLE NEMESIS!!!!!!

 Never* (watch carefully how this is going to go) was I going to give in to the urge to tell him that I loved him back, he had to hang himself out to dry completely first. He insisted that this was not the proper way to do it but he wanted me to keep my chin up until we could discuss things in person.

I know he was dying for the declaration, he too knew it was coming. But where was the fun in just letting him have it easily like that, come on! I grunted the subject away in dismissal and proceeded to ask after the weather and the levels of humidity in relation to the density of cloud cover and rates of precipitation. He laughed his big bellowing laugh and actually answered it. I laughed even harder. We were cool like that.

I proceeded to sprawl my body on the bed and nearly pushed Kung-fu  Panda (read my daughter) out of bed with the moves I pulled finishing off that phone-call and into the night. She has skills; one can wake up to find her foot in one’s mouth and her back upended off the bed in a precarious way, but dead asleep and snoring contentedly. That night I gave her a run for her money…by morning my foot was in her mouth hahaha!

*Before I had hung up last night I had managed to draw out my hesitance to respond to Nemesis no longer than 45 minutes. I implore you to please pay homage to my self-discipline…or lack thereof!

I almost shouted at the top of my lungs that I love him too…but ehhh I have neighbours and stuff.

So, yeah....

 WE LOVE EACH OTHER

(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)

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