Ok, so Nemesis loves me?
What now?
We would have a proper discussion about this upon his
return. I will gloat a little bit for a moment here…I had known these were his
feelings for a while now; you know a woman just knows these things. It was
never a matter of “if” but “when” he was going to up and say something. No way
was I going to be the one to say it first although I had been basking in the
feeling for a while now.
Despite all that I will say about being a strong woman and
not being a girly girl, I still believe very strongly in the status quo and our
traditional roles as men and women. Men chase, woo, provide and so on: Women
get chased, get wooed and get provided for. Simple. But since the world
changing has absolved us as humans of our prime responsibilities to self and
the notion of family we can excuse you for being like me. I for a long time
believed some bitter old spinster stepped up and grabbed a machete and drove it
deep into the back of Chivalry, twisting it and stabbing him a couple of times for good measure
and just to make sure he was well and truly departed from his mundane but
overrated existence…I say again- the concept is dead
Since I had known that this was coming I had for a while
been practising appropriate responses to this imminent revelation. Appropriate responses
all of which deserted me when I needed them the most. The man was in tears
telling me his deepest innermost feelings and I was sitting there wracking my
brain trying to remember the right words to say and clutching at straws in the
dark (imagine, with my eyesight) I was so disappointed in myself that I started
to laugh.
Nemesis was gobsmacked!
He loves me and I am rolling around on my bed in fits of
uncontrollable laughter? Little did he know that I was kicking myself wishing I
had written down all the various answers I had for all the various scenarios I regularly
played in my head. You know the way it is when you are a primary school going
girl and that guy you have a crush on even half glances at you. You rush home
and start practising signing letters and important documents with your first
name’s initial and his surname. You all know the type of heady and giggly, presumptuous
pubescent mannerisms I’m talking about. We all did it!
Ok…enough deflecting- I had to face the revelation. I just
went “Awwwww” read like a thousand ‘w’s in that. It just went on and on. I could
tell he was in his deepest feelings right there and I didn’t want to just shoot
the man down. So I asked instead if he knew what he was talking about, what it meant.
He assured me he was dead certain and had been for a while
(I did say this, remember?)He had just never found the opportune time to tell
me. I asked if he wasn’t just saying things because he felt sorry for me and
because I sounded suicidal. He again emphasised his sincerity.
I needed an escape quickly so that I could find my mental
notes and regale him with all the possible responses I had rehearsed. Brick wall.
So I asked if he could excuse me so that I could go and
relieve myself. This in itself was odd because I have been known to do this
with the phone pressed between my head and shoulder trying to balance it away
from falling into the cistern and smouldering the raucous noise flushing it
produces. I actually put the phone down on my pillow and moon-walked to the
lavatory, pumping the air with excited fists and half wetting myself with the
sudden activity. My body isn’t used to feeling joy -it’s so bad that the thing
doesn’t know what to do with itself.
After leaving less than 10ml in the loo…apparently I wasn’t
actually in need of relief I calmed my voice and tentatively got back on the
phone. I drawled supinely that I was back and proceeded to listen to him
continue extolling the virtues of my character and the how-many-ways-he-loved
me as if I was used to this kind of glorification. I took a hard stance and
again asked what ‘this’ now meant. He explained that his dreams and his work
remained the same and nothing would ever change that, was I in a
position to handle that.
“Hearts will never be practical until they become
unbreakable”
- Wizard of Oz
I lay there mentally screaming….WAY TO BURST A BUBBLE NEMESIS!!!!!!
Never* (watch carefully how this is going to go) was I going to
give in to the urge to tell him that I loved him back, he had to hang himself
out to dry completely first. He insisted that this was not the proper way to do
it but he wanted me to keep my chin up until we could discuss things in person.
I know he was dying for the declaration, he too knew it was
coming. But where was the fun in just letting him have it easily like that,
come on! I grunted the subject away in dismissal and proceeded to ask after the
weather and the levels of humidity in relation to the density of cloud cover
and rates of precipitation. He laughed his big bellowing laugh and actually
answered it. I laughed even harder. We were cool like that.
I proceeded to sprawl my body on the bed and nearly pushed
Kung-fu Panda (read my daughter) out of
bed with the moves I pulled finishing off that phone-call and into the night. She
has skills; one can wake up to find her foot in one’s mouth and her back
upended off the bed in a precarious way, but dead asleep and snoring
contentedly. That night I gave her a run for her money…by morning my foot was
in her mouth hahaha!
*Before I had hung up last night I had managed to draw out
my hesitance to respond to Nemesis no longer than 45 minutes. I implore
you to please pay homage to my self-discipline…or lack thereof!
I almost shouted at the top of my lungs that I love him too…but
ehhh I have neighbours and stuff.
So, yeah....
WE LOVE EACH OTHER
(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)
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