Wednesday, 23 November 2016

I Hope He Buys You Flowers

I arrived at work as normal the next day with a decidedly lighter step, sleep deprived but it felt as though a huge barrier had been removed from my path. I’m sure ladies will know what I’m talking about you know that feeling of solid security in knowing that you can tell your partner your worries and he will do everything in his power to show you that your fears are unfounded. That he will go the extra mile to communicate with you and actively invest in your peace of mind when he cannot physically be with you.
That as you hurt he hurts too and will work double-time to ensure that if he can’t fix your problems himself he will at least be there as a rock and comfort for you ways that allow you to be best equipped to handle your own battles. That as soon as it blows over we will make a toast with sugar free cups of coffee that we’ll pretend are the sweetest champagne. That he will celebrate my victories louder than I will.

During the time that I had him on sabbatical after my outburst I had been making some advancements at work and was due to receive feedback on a project I had been working on for several weeks. I was anxious and on edge as this also meant that if all went well I’d increase my income by over 30% and effectively secured my position as indispensable and versatile within the company I was working. During our late night talk I’d hinted at this development and one would have sworn he was getting promoted.

I got the confirmation email at around 10am and the deal was solidly in the bag, 30% had been reviewed upwards to 50% and life looked like it wanted me to live it properly. Everything was on the up. I hadn’t had a chance to give Mr I’m-Checking-On-You-via-Skype-and-Whatsapp-every-chance-I-get an update of developments when my phone suddenly rang.
“Gate, NOW!”
So I cautiously stood up from my desk and headed out the door to the gate. I opened it after I’d seen a hand frantically waving out of the window of a car that resembled Nemesis’ car...but wait! Isn’t this guy supposed to be at work? So I crossed the road and as I approached a huge bouquet of the loveliest yellow, orange and red ombre roses filled the space his face should have been in. I was in tears by the time that I finally got to his side, my heels suddenly couldn’t carry me to him fast enough. He sat there laughing at me and delighted that he had been able to pull off something I never expected so seamlessly. He revved his engine and made to leave after mumbling something about making sure I mix the water with the contents of sachet on the side to keep them fresh
Oh what the hell, before he left the man could at least get a kiss for this right?

I set about placing the flowers in the vase punctuated by the mocking wolf whistles of the boys in the office. I didn’t care! By this point in my day I was walking on clouds. I waited impatiently for Nemesis to indicate that he was back at his desk and as soon as his notification pinged I just typed- PROMOTION SIGNED & SEALED. I swear I heard his scream of glee from his office 10kms away, there’s no way my spinning head could have made that up.

He called me immediately demanding that a celebratory dinner was in order. Who am I to refuse such an obvious course of action? I made sure I ended off the dragging hours of the day making arrangements for my baby’s sitter as well as deciding what I was going to wear right down to the dizzying fragrance that I knew drove my passion to heights that his could only surrender helplessly to. This was just part of the sweet torture I had planned for him later.

He picked me up promptly at 7pm after asking me where I wanted to go so that he could make our booking. Since I knew exactly what my agenda was I went for an intimate, dimly lit romantic venue that served a menu that read like a sensuous tongue trailing over nubile limbs. An intense, erotic tease.

In my red satin dress with my breast sumptuously displayed and framed by the simplest of accessories, I paused to gloss up my plump red lips and secure a pin in my up do. I looked a vision as I glanced at myself in the mirror as I headed down the stairs with my impossibly high heels in my hands. As I got out the door I hurriedly put them on, balanced the hips and seductively sauntered towards the gate. Nemesis stood before me holding an even bigger bouquet of roses as red as my theme of the day and a huge grin on his face.

This guy!

I graciously accepted the gift, leant into him and hugged him tightly to make sure he got to breathe in a fair amount of my fragrance while I pressed myself into him with a leg bent into the air as I giggled that he is just too much some times. He opened the door for me and I got in and sat with my bundle of crimson bliss. The drive down to the restaurant was peppered with light banter and a lot of good laughs. It felt almost like we’d never been apart for a second. Leaving my prize in the car I was ushered into the entrance and seated by a haughty looking waitress that didn’t seem too pleased to be serving a person of colour. As Nemesis sat down he planted a huge kiss on my lips and slightly raised his eyes at Missy. In one fell swoop acknowledging and dismissing her pettiness.

We sat facing each other with our legs alternating between knees touching to easy resting between each other to full on plastered on each other. Judging by the way he pointedly slurped on his oysters I knew he had received the subliminal messages I had been sending loud and clear. The soft drum of a hedonistic rendition of Ipanema did nothing to quell how sultry the setting already was. Main courses came, bubbly flowed and we toasted everything from my success to how cute his little left toe was.
Time seemed to stand still and run away from us all at once. Before we knew it, we were one of only 2 couples remaining, Missy had kind of warmed up to me and was at great pains to collect as many shells as she could for me to go take home to my crustacean obsessed child. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all. Or the wine was working and I didn’t care anymore...

We headed in the direction of home, there a junction where he would grant me the small courtesy of asking if we were headed to his place or mine and as expected he uttered the words. I summarily said mine
I saw his entire frame shrink and shrivel, as he steered the car my home’s direction. Mine meant we were still at war. Mine meant that he was starting to rebuild trust that he had lost and convince me to open up to him again, from scratch. Mine meant that he could only keep dreaming of plunging his flesh into mine. Mine meant that as pretty as the roses at the office and the ones I was now going to have in my bedroom had been, as delicious as the food was, as much as I appreciated the gestures he extended to me. His smokescreens of blinding charm were not going to absolve him of his responsibility to allay my concerns and to prove to me that I’m in competition with no one.

It was still there

Damn it. Damn him.

Damn the visions of sweat trickling down my back as I imagined pinning him down, ripping his clothes off and riding him violently right there on that solid, cold table. In the middle of that over sanitized eating house I glanced over the heads of people politely nodding approval of their thick pieces of steak and tinkling wine glasses against each other. Acting normal...

Nothing about this was normal!

My thudding temples were not normal, the way my breath was caught and tightening my chest; my nipples standing at attention rubbing roughly against the fabric of my top. Was. Not. Normal. He caught my fingers as I tried to pull them away from his grip, all the while staring me dead in the eyes. He knew he HAD me. His challenging gaze was testament to the fact that this...whatever it was we were trying to deny was so far from over there was only hell to pay by fighting it.
That same breath I had still caught in my lungs was starting to burn and in spite of myself erupted into a dramatic bout of hiccups- my most refined romantic moment of recent memory.

He almost threw my beer in my face as he tried to still hold my hand, pat my back and signal to the waiter for a glass of water. It was comedic gold! I burst into laughter as he burst into laughter that only subsided after we started getting curious glances from those steak engorged heads around us. After a couple of seconds more of glee we settled back into propriety.

“I’m sorry”, he whimpered. “Love, look at me, I’m sorry”
Now it was his turn to deal with his own tear-filled eyes. YEAAAAAAAH! You must suffer too I whispered as my ego did a full Twerk session in time with the beat of the eatery’s piped music. So look at him I did, deeply. His anguish excited me. Made me throb ,wet.

I loved knowing that as much as he affected me the denial of my affections left him in a place of desolation. For him it was ungovernable that he be the cause of another’s consternation. The man just feels too much, probably his deepest curse and most attractive feature in one go.

We moved to less intense talk and tried to claw our way out of what was very obviously a transformative moment in our dalliance. It was hopeless and futile. He asked if I was ready to leave, my deep eye-roll must have signified that I was ready to leave long before my sexy hiccup session. He settled the bill and we made our exit. We made a quick stop by the group of his friends that we had left outside each of whom made a great show of standing and kissing the hand of Nemesis’ queen in all her gym finery and we were on our way.

As he pulled out of the parking, I shot straight from the hip and displayed the tact that I have honed over the years and become quite famed for...
“Is there someone else? Are you cheating on me or using me to cheat on someone?”
He stopped the car and turned the light on.  Releasing a sigh as long as it was unnecessary.
“No, there is no one else. It is only you,” he said: way too calmly for my liking. It felt rehearsed
“Prove it to me” I shot back hotly
“I will, if you’ll just give me the chance to. I miss you”
(at this point that stupid little body part he had triggered with his touch earlier started its deception of all the sensible resolve my body was projecting)

Come on! I missed him too. Badly. Not just his presence, his soothing voice and corny ass jokes. I miss his....uhmmmm cooking. Yes I missed his cooking.

The rest of the trip home was in silence. Not a peep from him, the radio or me. As we got to my place I responded “OK, prove it”. Now this is not a small man. I almost burst out laughing again as he full on dived on me while sitting beside me thanking me for the chance as well as promising to never give me reason to doubt him again. He called me after he got home and showered and was in bed. Like teenagers we were on the phone till the late hours of the early morning. 

Would I regret this?

We’ll see