Tuesday, 15 July 2014

The Cracks Begin to Show

Early the next day I made my way home feeling like a chewed up gummy bear. As he drove I stroked his thigh nearest to me and hummed a nondescript tune to myself. I had woken up to the best bit of morning wood known this side of the equator and felt ready to tackle the day with fervour. I was re energised!

During the course of that Sunday he would board a plane and be gone for at least two weeks. Nemesis has a tendency to be over loving and gushy whenever he has to go somewhere but something about his demeanour this time struck me as really odd. He seemed more than keen to go and I didn’t know whether I had become boring to him such that he wouldn’t miss me or if it was just resignation to the fact that from time to time separation would be a feature of our relationship. Whatever it was I just shrugged it off and went about my business. But I would remember this feeling in the days to come and cast doubt on my own nonchalance.

As we entered the third day since his departure and there was still no communication for him, I was damn near frantic. I tried calling all the numbers I had for him at least once, because more than twice to me indicates desperation and I will only very rarely call someone more than two times at a time. All the numbers I had for him I had tried at least once, with an email to boot and a skype message- I sat back and waited for the rain. The rain only availed itself on the next Friday morning in the form of a text message which informed me that he has been swamped and that he had travelled with a phone that had no credit and whose roaming he had forgotten to activate. Convenient, I’ll give him that –CON*fucking*VENIENT!!!!

HE was very well and was attending a wedding that afternoon, not his but a wedding none the less (his niece’s if you really want specifics).

 I asked myself why I was only hearing of this wedding story now, when he was already one week into a trip away. Honestly speaking as events like weddings go it’s disconcerting that something this huge was not even mentioned in passing. Did he think I would have begged him to take me with him or what, I just couldn’t rationalise this information. I only mustered a two word response and let myself simmer in the juices of so many questions that I knew would not get answered for at least one week. So why churn it in my head if I knew the outcome, you might ask…because I am a woman and it is my inherent constitutional right to know everything.

Anyhow, the weekend came and went without incident and also without communication. My angel and I went through our usual Sunday at KFC ritual of ice cream with a thick chocolate stick down the middle. Being lactose intolerant as I am this was dicing with death, but I just needed a distraction from the feeling of feeling numb. Monday was work and school as usual, hum drum run of the mill stuff.

 As for your Nemesis…persistent deafening silence.

With or without acknowledging it; the man was now trudging his heavy self on some very thin ice that covered deep, murky and icy waters beneath. As if he read my mind he suddenly became uber communicative, I presume working on the off-chance that this would soften me into responding because his communication was so sporadic. I let those messages sit and stare back at him for a good three days, a much shorter time than he ever did but sufficient to drive my point home. I also made sure he was able to see when I last logged off and such just so he knew for sure he was not being rewarded for these errant tendencies.

When I heard the phone ringing and noticed it flashing his number I stared it into silence, gave a satisfied shrug, threw it in a cupboard and went for a walk around the block. Upon my return the noisy bugger was still vibrating and whining so I did the right thing and picked her up. The high pitched frantic tone of his voice was absolute syrup to my ears. Sadly; that was the sum of the joy that phone-call produced. We had a very flippant, casual conversation which more or less ended before it had begun. I mumbled something about being out of sight and out of mind and he was pleading for me to just listen and be patient and he was coming back things have been hectic work was hell his family is demanding they want to know who he is speaking with and why,it’s not the right time to get into this yada yada hoody ha none of them own cell-phones (first world country notwithstanding) and he was sorry oh and Pluto isn’t a planet anymore and they just found a new rare jellyfish in Venezuela…hogwash…nyanyanyanyanyaaa!


The first walk had done nothing to calm me down so I went for another one, a very long one this time. I cussed and spat, punched the air and got myself drenched by a sudden summer shower which was very angering as everybody knows summer rain is the best for outdoorsy fornication. Like a beaten dog with its tail clenched firmly under its own belly I made the long walk back home and plunged into a hot soapy bath. I sat in there until the water froze me out, only then did the din in my head calm itself. I was angry.

There! I admit it.

How do we get to a place where you as my lover are away for such a long time and can’t, no won’t say more than a few words to me when it suits you? What about when I am suited to speaking with you and you barely muster more than a few cyber grunts or to be specific perennial silence. Of course if you ask me how I am and how I have been, I will tell you fine, you obviously have no time or desire to hear the gory details lest you would have availed yourself as and when they happened . Then it's like oh oh suddenly now I am the bad guy because I refuse to be softened by a phone ringing and a few throw away messages because I should be grateful you have finally decided to acknowledge my existence and dare-I-say it, lent me a modicum of validation. Who do you think you are?

Nemesis must have been able to tell that I was nonplussed because I only touched my cell phone the next morning when the alarm went off. One thing I have never said is how he has a tendency to behave super nice towards the build-up of him returning from his many forays to where ever the hell it is he goes. Very chatty, very polite- grovelling almost. The best parts of this whole Mr-Extra-Super-Nice scene are the final two hours before he boards a plane to return here, when he is alone in the waiting lounge of whichever airport he is coming from. I literally sit there imagining him using his phallus to type the corniest, crappiest anecdotes known to man. Instead of being a mega aphrodisiac I find it hilarious not only how gullible he perceives me to be, but how gullible I actually am.

 So believe me, it did not strike me as cute at all that in the midst of all that silence I had been faced with he had gone back to being bang on trend and suddenly giving a damn. I had been through this enough times by now to be truthful enough to myself how this was playing out and how it would continue to play out and it made my blood boil.

It should be making your blood boil too by now…