tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80193140770314021652024-03-08T01:43:22.337-08:00ThisIsMeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-47187714655188948212016-11-23T03:50:00.000-08:002016-11-23T03:50:15.539-08:00I Hope He Buys You Flowers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I arrived at
work as normal the next day with a decidedly lighter step, sleep deprived but it
felt as though a huge barrier had been removed from my path. I’m sure ladies
will know what I’m talking about you know that feeling of solid security in
knowing that you can tell your partner your worries and he will do everything
in his power to show you that your fears are unfounded. That he will go the
extra mile to communicate with you and actively invest in your peace of mind
when he cannot physically be with you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That as you
hurt he hurts too and will work double-time to ensure that if he can’t fix your
problems himself he will at least be there as a rock and comfort for you ways
that allow you to be best equipped to handle your own battles. That as soon as
it blows over we will make a toast with sugar free cups of coffee that we’ll
pretend are the sweetest champagne. That he will celebrate my victories louder
than I will.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During the
time that I had him on sabbatical after my outburst I had been making some advancements
at work and was due to receive feedback on a project I had been working on for
several weeks. I was anxious and on edge as this also meant that if all went
well I’d increase my income by over 30% and effectively secured my position as
indispensable and versatile within the company I was working. During our late
night talk I’d hinted at this development and one would have sworn he was
getting promoted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I got the
confirmation email at around 10am and the deal was solidly in the bag, 30% had
been reviewed upwards to 50% and life looked like it wanted me to live it
properly. Everything was on the up. I hadn’t had a chance to give Mr
I’m-Checking-On-You-via-Skype-and-Whatsapp-every-chance-I-get an update of
developments when my phone suddenly rang. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Gate, NOW!”
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I
cautiously stood up from my desk and headed out the door to the gate. I opened
it after I’d seen a hand frantically waving out of the window of a car that
resembled Nemesis’ car...but wait! Isn’t this guy supposed to be at work? So I
crossed the road and as I approached a huge bouquet of the loveliest yellow,
orange and red ombre roses filled the space his face should have been in. I was
in tears by the time that I finally got to his side, my heels suddenly couldn’t
carry me to him fast enough. He sat there laughing at me and delighted that he
had been able to pull off something I never expected so seamlessly. He revved
his engine and made to leave after mumbling something about making sure I mix
the water with the contents of sachet on the side to keep them fresh</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Oh what the
hell, before he left the man could at least get a kiss for this right?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I set about
placing the flowers in the vase punctuated by the mocking wolf whistles of the
boys in the office. I didn’t care! By this point in my day I was walking on
clouds. I waited impatiently for Nemesis to indicate that he was back at his
desk and as soon as his notification pinged I just typed- PROMOTION SIGNED
& SEALED. I swear I heard his scream of glee from his office 10kms away,
there’s no way my spinning head could have made that up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He called me
immediately demanding that a celebratory dinner was in order. Who am I to
refuse such an obvious course of action? I made sure I ended off the dragging
hours of the day making arrangements for my baby’s sitter as well as deciding
what I was going to wear right down to the dizzying fragrance that I knew drove
my passion to heights that his could only surrender helplessly to. This was
just part of the sweet torture I had planned for him later.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He picked me
up promptly at 7pm after asking me where I wanted to go so that he could make
our booking. Since I knew exactly what my agenda was I went for an intimate,
dimly lit romantic venue that served a menu that read like a sensuous tongue
trailing over nubile limbs. An intense, erotic tease. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In my red
satin dress with my breast sumptuously displayed and framed by the simplest of
accessories, I paused to gloss up my plump red lips and secure a pin in my up
do. I looked a vision as I glanced at myself in the mirror as I headed down the
stairs with my impossibly high heels in my hands. As I got out the door I
hurriedly put them on, balanced the hips and seductively sauntered towards the
gate. Nemesis stood before me holding an even bigger bouquet of roses as red as
my theme of the day and a huge grin on his face. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This guy!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I graciously
accepted the gift, leant into him and hugged him tightly to make sure he got to
breathe in a fair amount of my fragrance while I pressed myself into him with a
leg bent into the air as I giggled that he is just too much some times. He
opened the door for me and I got in and sat with my bundle of crimson bliss. The
drive down to the restaurant was peppered with light banter and a lot of good
laughs. It felt almost like we’d never been apart for a second. Leaving my
prize in the car I was ushered into the entrance and seated by a haughty
looking waitress that didn’t seem too pleased to be serving a person of colour.
As Nemesis sat down he planted a huge kiss on my lips and slightly raised his
eyes at Missy. In one fell swoop acknowledging and dismissing her pettiness.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We sat
facing each other with our legs alternating between knees touching to easy resting
between each other to full on plastered on each other. Judging by the way he
pointedly slurped on his oysters I knew he had received the subliminal messages
I had been sending loud and clear. The soft drum of a hedonistic rendition of
Ipanema did nothing to quell how sultry the setting already was. Main courses
came, bubbly flowed and we toasted everything from my success to how cute his
little left toe was.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Time seemed
to stand still and run away from us all at once. Before we knew it, we were one
of only 2 couples remaining, Missy had kind of warmed up to me and was at great
pains to collect as many shells as she could for me to go take home to my
crustacean obsessed child. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all. Or the wine was
working and I didn’t care anymore...</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We headed in
the direction of home, there a junction where he would grant me the small
courtesy of asking if we were headed to his place or mine and as expected he
uttered the words. I summarily said mine</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I saw his
entire frame shrink and shrivel, as he steered the car my home’s direction.
Mine meant we were still at war. Mine meant that he was starting to rebuild
trust that he had lost and convince me to open up to him again, from scratch.
Mine meant that he could only keep dreaming of plunging his flesh into mine.
Mine meant that as pretty as the roses at the office and the ones I was now
going to have in my bedroom had been, as delicious as the food was, as much as
I appreciated the gestures he extended to me. His smokescreens of blinding charm
were not going to absolve him of his responsibility to allay my concerns and to
prove to me that I’m in competition with no one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-25959849494689738652016-11-23T03:28:00.002-08:002016-11-23T03:28:58.523-08:00It was still there<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Damn it.
Damn him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Damn the
visions of sweat trickling down my back as I imagined pinning him down, ripping
his clothes off and riding him violently right there on that solid, cold table.
In the middle of that over sanitized eating house I glanced over the heads of
people politely nodding approval of their thick pieces of steak and tinkling
wine glasses against each other. Acting normal...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nothing
about this was normal! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My thudding
temples were not normal, the way my breath was caught and tightening my chest;
my nipples standing at attention rubbing roughly against the fabric of my top.
Was. Not. Normal. He caught my fingers as I tried to pull them away from his
grip, all the while staring me dead in the eyes. He knew he HAD me. His
challenging gaze was testament to the fact that this...whatever it was we were
trying to deny was so far from over there was only hell to pay by fighting it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That same breath
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recent memory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He almost
threw my beer in my face as he tried to still hold my hand, pat my back and
signal to the waiter for a glass of water. It was comedic gold! I burst into
laughter as he burst into laughter that only subsided after we started getting
curious glances from those steak engorged heads around us. After a couple of
seconds more of glee we settled back into propriety.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’m sorry”,
he whimpered. “Love, look at me, I’m sorry”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now it was
his turn to deal with his own tear-filled eyes. YEAAAAAAAH! You must suffer too
I whispered as my ego did a full Twerk session in time with the beat of the
eatery’s piped music. So look at him I did, deeply. His anguish excited me.
Made me throb ,wet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I loved
knowing that as much as he affected me the denial of my affections left him in
a place of desolation. For him it was ungovernable that he be the cause of
another’s consternation. The man just feels too much, probably his deepest
curse and most attractive feature in one go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We moved to
less intense talk and tried to claw our way out of what was very obviously a
transformative moment in our dalliance. It was hopeless and futile. He asked if
I was ready to leave, my deep eye-roll must have signified that I was ready to
leave long before my sexy hiccup session. He settled the bill and we made our
exit. We made a quick stop by the group of his friends that we had left outside
each of whom made a great show of standing and kissing the hand of <b>Nemesis</b>’
queen in all her gym finery and we were on our way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As he pulled
out of the parking, I shot straight from the hip and displayed the tact that I
have honed over the years and become quite famed for...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Is there
someone else? Are you cheating on me or using me to cheat on someone?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He stopped
the car and turned the light on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Releasing a sigh as long as it was unnecessary.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“No, there
is no one else. It is only you,” he said: way too calmly for my liking. It felt
rehearsed </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Prove it to
me” I shot back hotly</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I will, if
you’ll just give me the chance to. I miss you”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(at this
point that stupid little body part he had triggered with his touch earlier
started its deception of all the sensible resolve my body was projecting)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Come on! I
missed him too. Badly. Not just his presence, his soothing voice and corny ass
jokes. I miss his....uhmmmm cooking. Yes I missed his cooking.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The rest of
the trip home was in silence. Not a peep from him, the radio or me. As we got
to my place I responded “OK, prove it”. Now this is not a small man. I almost
burst out laughing again as he full on dived on me while sitting beside me
thanking me for the chance as well as promising to never give me reason to
doubt him again. He called me after he got home and showered and was in bed.
Like teenagers we were on the phone till the late hours of the early morning. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Would I regret this?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We’ll see</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-41822388391491214812015-08-20T02:14:00.001-07:002015-08-20T02:15:31.634-07:00I don't look for Drama- Drama finds me<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I tried, oh I swear I tried...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I tried to keep away and ignore him and to wish his
existence away into the nothingness it was in the months before I met him. It
didn’t work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Two days after the phone-call with that drooly
sounding chick from the pub I got word that a very juvenile member of my family
had been impregnated by a young MC (read: fly by night –oh I think I’m the shit
but no one knows my music- grown up with a kid’s mentality-been the next big
thing for the past ten years trifling-good for nothing low life) who now no
longer wanted anything to do with her or the child she was carrying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">What was worse is that this academically gifted
girl had been in my house the weekend before and apart from a very pimply
pubescent face and a voracious appetite, nothing was amiss. Nothing told of the
already six month old life wriggling within her. Her belly was flatter than
mine has ever been and her disposition was generally cheerful with her head
stuck in a book, as usual. I just thought she enjoyed my cooking...a lot.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I was crushed. Nowhere near as gutted as her mother
who had , as per our custom contacted me as the closest older sister to track
this turd down and make him accountable if not for his actions, at least for
the upkeep and maintenance of the child. I did as I was asked by my mother and
tracked him down (My investigative capabilities are on levels) only to be
verbally abused, threatened and to have every female in my ascendancy literally
called a whore by someone I to this day do not know. Any man who has ever tried
to absolve himself of paternity was in one fell swoop put to shame by my new
“in law” he proposed amniocentesis to establish if the DNA my cousin carried
was indeed his.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"> After I told him that it is an invasive,
unnecessary and highly dangerous procedure which can even lead to the loss of
both lives at this stage in gestation it occurred to me that maybe that was the
outcome he actually wanted. The only thing he would accept thereafter was a
conclusive paternity test as soon as the child was born. I am sure his
aggression after that was brought on by his having investigated the costs that
would entail because the next time I looked him up I was told that my cousin
wasn’t a virgin when he laid her and it only happened once and he used a condom
and she told him she was being sexually assaulted by a close relative and candy
floss is sold at fairs and lava erupts from volcanoes and he will sue my entire
breed until we sell off our last shoelace to pay him off.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">None the less, I put the phone down and with calm I
didn’t necessarily feel I called my aunt to tell her I would no longer be doing
this. It brought back ugly feelings of resentment and anger at my own situation
with the father of my child. Mine was wanted and planned but listening to this
sonnofa... spewing such vitriol made me remember all the things I have come to
know for a fact about my ex-husband that I wouldn’t ever have known or heard if
I hadn’t gotten divorced. It stung me in places that had long since forgotten
the feeling of having to beg for acknowledgement, for validation from someone
whose ego is a deep, gaping eternally hungry abyss that gives nothing and takes
until it sucks the soul from the very thing it needs to keep it fed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I felt personally affronted. Weak. Helpless. And to
think that this wasn’t even my own battle, for it to have left me feeling so
cheap stripped my sensibilities to their naked, shrivelled core.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I hurt for her. I hurt for myself. I hurt for OUR
fatherless children.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I needed to talk. But I couldn’t find anyone. All
the people I called either went straight to voicemail of just rang
continuously. I found myself already having dialled his number in resignation
and didn’t even feel a fool for needing him to just say “Ok, I’ll meet with
you”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I was dressed for a workout and bugger me if I was
going to change just to do my make-up and mess it all up when the inevitable
tear fall came to the party. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
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slid into the passenger’s seat I vividly remembered the last time I had sat in
it and made my theatrical declarations before slamming the door in the face of
the same person who was the only person who actually picked up the phone. The
last resort became the only resort.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Wordlessly he drove. I mumbled that he find
somewhere we could sit and have a discussion in private where I could also just
cry and not be judged for it. He nodded, handed me some Kleenex and drove.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">As we got to this little restaurant I had managed
to pull myself together enough to be able to make a half decent entry with my
head bowed. I pushed past him as he paused to greet a few friends that he had
recognised on the patio and left them wondering why I was so uncharacteristically
unfriendly and so inappropriately dressed. By the time he came in I had picked
a table and pushed myself tightly into the furthest corner the seat in the
booth would allow. With that taken care of I proceeded to stretch my leg out in
front of me so that he clearly got the message that he would not be sitting
next to me and that there would be no canoodling of any form.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Nemesis asked what I would like to drink and I
managed to mumble beer. He ordered for both of us and asked how my day was...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Is that really the best he could do? Through
swollen eyes I managed to throw a massive scowl his way and threw my chin on my
palm in a massive exhale of defeat. I proceeded to regale him with the gory
details of the horrendous two days I had just endured and three drinks, a cold
steak and a great many tissues later I reached over the table, lightly touched
his fingers before sense took over and yanked my hand away as fast as it had
casually placed itself in this odd position. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">The spark was still there :( </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-73596490398650581662015-01-30T05:30:00.000-08:002015-01-30T05:30:47.178-08:00Objection Overruled<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt;">DAMNIT!</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Surely this was a bad joke, right?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I proceeded to dole out half of the intel I had been able
to gather in furious typing outbursts after I had given ‘ye olde <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>’
his marching orders. By the time that he got home he would have to read through
enough words to fill up several encyclopaedias. Note that this was only half of
what Detective Clouseau had been able to gather- I couldn’t totally play my whole
hand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes, I meant every single word. I am not to be effed with....</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Or so I thought.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The man is stubborn- probably worse than me, pepper that
with a need to vindicate his very sensitive self it was a recipe for flaring
emotions, tearful explanations and even nonsensical justifications over days
and days. I would simply read through his messages and give a one-worder in
response. I was sincerely trying to get past the jolts of fear of my phone
suddenly ringing and having to actually speak to him; every single time my
phone so much as gave me the eye.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He would persist in sending the good mornings, how is your
day goings and the jokes here and there; all this in the face of my coldness. One
day when it got too much I got a phone call from a very concerned waitress at
the bar we used to frequent before I discovered that I was a potential home
wrecker. At the same time that this was happening the damn mobile kept shooting
off messages left-right-centre… giving me that evil eye. I picked the thing up
wearily and warily, with a major eye roll to boot because I knew what was coming
as if I was reading it off a script…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">…………cue very syrupy voice- you know that type you can never
say anything but yes to?.......</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“So hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii , wow larrrk we
haven’t seen you down here in like fahever! Larrrk when are you coming down hun”
(we’ll call her Slooshia)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">*eyeroll,sigh,clearing of my throat*</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“how are you Slooshia?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She immediately cuts to the chase …“aww bless I’m fantastic
hun, but larrrk my dear uncle <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>isn’t doing too well yannow”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I say “ but why though,” in a very deeply concerned voice
because I know for a fact that I never gave Sloosh my number at any stage. She wasn’t
one of the ones who like to keep <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> happy by keeping his woman’s beauty
business going over the weekends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Unbeknownst to me I had stood violently enough to pour the
beer I was cuddling in bed with all over myself and the bedding I had washed
just the day before. I could hear my pulse pounding at my temples as I was
gripped by panic, trembling, nausea and fearing he was dead. Lord knows I was
angry but I certainly didn’t want him dead, crazy especially since there was no
logical reason for him to be dead. He couldn’t possibly go and do something
dumb to try and get us back to where we used to be…could he?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyhow that was my first
thought</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I choked on my own saliva as my brain raced my mouth to get
words out that neither of the two could do fast enough. I crumpled to the floor
and begged her to make sense, any damn sense. She all this while was silent and
waiting for me to calm my breath enough for me to hear her over the phone. This
was futile, so she proceeded to railroad into what had necessitated this
auspicious phonecall. I am not being sarcastic here, it was auspicious.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Slooshia then proceeded to explain how for the past 3 days
in a row <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis
</span></b>had hardly done anything but sit alone in a dark corner with a book;
pretending to read, pretending to drink a beer and genuinely sobbing like a
baby and smoking cigarette after bleeding cigarette as he stared into the
distant cobwebs on the ceiling. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had been there from the time their doors opened that Sunday
and it worsened whenever people would approach him expecting his usual jollity
when they inquired after his ‘wife’ only to be assailed by a barrage of tears,
maybe even spit and snot as he reached for their t-shirts to wipe the tears off
his teary sweaty face (poor people, you will remember this man’s high
propensity for those ugly heaving crying sessions).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I asked her if she knew what exactly was wrong with him. Did
he say anything at all to her? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Right there with the phone pressed to my ear I almost felt
her hand land on my shoulder softly as she stared me in the eyes and said …</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Please just talk to
him”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on Twitter ~ @mazituwe)</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-29745551643792074742014-11-05T06:04:00.001-08:002014-11-05T06:04:07.621-08:00Otherwise Occupied <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Every time I have tried numerous times to continue this
story and keep finding myself not only choking on my own tears and tripping
words on top of one another but also experiencing very violent and acute
nausea.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I am dying to get everything out of my head and my heart
but there is still so much to say and for some odd reason I feel like I have run
out of time to say it without actually knowing why. So much has happened, so
much hasn’t happened and where things have changed a lot of things have just
remained the same and stagnant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just to give an idea of how far this story still has to go,
let me just say that as of the last post made in August we were still firmly in
September/October of the previous year. I have never hidden the fact that I am writing
in retrospect, a lot of things will become clear as I write more as
to why there has been such a huge pause in instalments and also why it is becoming heavier and heavier. As has become my nature
I can’t apologise enough for the forced diet imposed upon you my esteemed
reader, so I shan’t insult your intelligence or patronage by apologising as
there are so many factors that minimise the value of that apology.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All I'll say is that I'm going to try harder. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Back to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Clearly this man was talking shit out of the webs between
his toe-digits. It didn’t matter at all to me what he was saying, in spite of
all the hogwash he was churning I decided to keep listening as his voice was
one that lulled me to sleep and was soothing to me. After a round and round conversation
that ended well into the night I just packed the towel in and decided to do a
balanced assessment of the situation with myself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Was I being had here: YES!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The only questions that remained were to what degree and to
achieve what end. After those came the need to find out from myself if I was in
a position to be continuing to be exposed to what was clearly bullshit and also
for the achievement of what end. As the sun rose the next day I woke up with
gratitude for the simple blessings of being alive, having my child by my side
and actually knowing what I wanted to wear to work that day. I also had a sack full
of resolve as to how to handle the elusive truth as regards the smooth, suave <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I had moved into a new house at some stage and was settled
there quite well. My daughter was ok too in spite of the cultural adjustment of
living with a family that has its own weird ways of doing things. To say it
wasn’t always comfortable would be the understatement of the century. So consequently
we ended up spending a lot of time at my friend’s house which was just next
door to where I stayed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Having categorically refused to engage in any coitus, see <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>
or speak with him on the phone for the better part of a week it was very clear
to all involved that the thunder clouds had fully descended in paradise. I had
gone next door for supper one day when he phoned repeatedly at around sunset
insisting that he needed to see me and give me my favourite pasta meal that he
had made for me. And to discuss the idea he had been mulling about us going
away for the Christmas holidays. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Not only had I not asked for this meal but I just
did not want to be seen or get pushed into a corner where I will fail to say
what I need to say because I have been disarmed by a kind gesture.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve never been one for seeking permission from anyone as
to how they feel I should conduct my life; I pretty much do what I want
whenever it suits me to do just that. I do not owe anyone any explanations as
to how or why things occur or what my ultimate game plan is. I gave my assent for
him to come through for a few minutes but as I was a guest in someone’s house I
would not entertain him for long. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So in
my pyjama pants, loose T-shirt and funky bedroom slippers I waddled to the gate
and got into his car.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He proffered a kiss which I graciously extended a cheek
towards. That threw him off completely as he was accustomed to a full on mouth
to mouth assault. I asked him to drive around a bit and got through the
perfunctory questions about how his day at work was , how his week has been and
so on. in no time at all we were back at the gate . As I pushed the door open with my pasta in hand he heaved a laborious breath and asked
me what was going on with me and why I have been offish. I wasted no time in
giving a shock response</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I am
not a home wrecker. I want out!”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">None of his explanations were making any sense whatsoever
to me and I just put all the elements I had before me together and that was my
conclusion- he is married, partnered, committed elsewhere or married. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He could wipe the look of total shock and despondence off
his face because there was nothing that could be said right now. I had evidence…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-ZA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">(follow me on Twitter-
@mazituwe)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-3668031381239497822014-08-07T01:30:00.002-07:002014-08-07T01:32:01.304-07:00Cuddling Pillows<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After pleading exhaustion, I asked to be taken home because
I was as they say here in South Africa, ‘gatvol’. Gatvol of making nice and
small talk that really got me nowhere. The longer I was in his company and
hoping to get a straightforward explanation from him as to the fuckery I had to
endure over the past fortnight was just an exercise in futility. I don’t
particularly take well to being patronised and plain being lied to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Any libidinous feelings deserted the tense air between us
and all I wanted to do was go to collect my child from the babysitter and head
for a nice bath, a calming bedtime story, prayer and Kung-Fu cuddles. I felt
physically, mentally and emotionally spent. There was nothing left there for me
to even tap into and hold up the pretence. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Having heralded the earliest ending of a lover’s reunion
ever by driving the point home with some face splitting yawns and exaggerated
stretches, I dragged my shell to the car. It was uncomfortable to say the very
least but for the first time since the shouting began in my head there was
silence...glorious, blissful silence. Whether this silence was as a result of
shock or genuine apathy remained to be seen, both of us were very aware of this.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With the perfunctory kiss goodbye at the gate I made a bee-line
to collect my baby and both she and the babysitter were clever enough not to
probe why I was home so early. My child due to genuine respect and an innate
knowledge of how to read her mama’s face and my friend due to fearing for her
life coming into the line of fire when my plastered look of composure cracked. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>sent
a message to let me know that he was home safely and when I didn’t respond
after ten minutes he decided to give me a call to check if I was alright. I
said that I was fine. (He should’ve known right there and then, a woman is
never ‘fine’- men please take note)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calmly I told him to give me a few minutes so that I could
get through the housekeeping and admin so that we could chat without anything
rushing me. He asked how long I would need and I informed him that an hour
would suffice. As it was still pretty early I knew he would not sleep until I
got in touch with him. With my child planted firmly on my bosom and drooling
contentedly I dove into the maelstrom that waited.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once the perfunctory
niceties were dispensed with I asked him which part of any of what was
happening right now made sense not to me but to him. He immediately pointed out
that my behaviour that evening was nothing like what he had come to know me
for. Having had that pointed out I asked if he had even the slightest inkling
why it was thus, to which he expressed how he had expected the usual rousing
welcome accompanied with pompoms, cancan dancing, cheerleaders and some hot
sticky cuddling to cap off the night...but alas he was in his bed alone trying
to mould my Nubian form out of some very reluctant goose-down white pillows and
failing dismally.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I expressed my sincere disdain and commiseration at his
circumstances and assured him that not all days are the same, again reiterating
my exhaustion. He asked if he should let me alone so that I might sleep to
which I responded that attempting to sleep when my heart and head were not
settled would not solve anything, I knew for a fact the sun would come up the
next morning with me still lying in prone staring at the ceiling and fighting
myself in my own head. Finally he asked what was wrong -as if he didn’t know,
but I saw his angle and he was not going to get a word out of me until he
acknowledged wrong doing, gave a satisfactory explanation and made things
right.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What came first was the apology.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Grunt!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“What are you apologising for?” I asked pleasantly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I have not been honest with you and I have let you draw
conclusions off my silence that are altogether wrong,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Indulge me,” I said as I sunk my back deeper into my
pillows and rolled the now sleeping bunny from on top of me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He asked if I was being sarcastic and as serenely as I had
been throughout I responded that I wasn’t being catty at all and was dying to
know what he had to say for himself. I was only going to be in a position to
accept or reject any apology from him once I knew what was being apologised
for. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>
was conducting himself as someone who had done no wrong and expected the
excitement of his return to overshadow the obvious misgivings his whole
departure and absence had caused. To add insult to injury he expected a hero’s
welcome, receptive arms and a moist, throbbing receptacle for his turgid,
throbbing member.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He admitted that his treatment of me had not been fair and
that I deserved better from him given the place I held in his life. I exhaled
loudly and let him continue, all the while fighting back a sudden well of tears
that had begun collecting in my eyes. Listening to him talk I could sense his
sincerity, either that or he really puts on a good show. He was in a position
where he had trapped himself solidly by the path he had let his life take and
there were things about it that he could no longer fight or try to change. He
loves me, he never planned this. It has him off kilter because his life is so
planned that he can right now by his calendar tell you exactly where he will be
on the 7<sup>th</sup> of November as early as the January of the same year. If
anything deviates from the course that has been predetermined it totally screws
him up. There is no disambiguation between his personal and professional life,
hasn’t been for over a decade. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Enter hot blooded female...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Surely this would be the time to take a chance on feelings
that you declare to be real and a source of great peace and joy and factor them
into your proverbial calendar. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Well not if you are <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter ~ @mazituwe </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-22098560897728684062014-08-05T01:26:00.000-07:002014-08-05T01:26:03.553-07:00Family Issues and then some<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve learnt to not believe myself when I tell myself that I
am beautiful and intelligent, resourceful or strong anymore because these
things that I know about myself have been used against me by those whose voices
I have lent my ears and heart to, repeatedly. The only thing that makes them
different is their timing and placement. I can’t help but listen to the
turbulent, rushing sounds of voices in my own head; the declarations of love
especially -those just take on different accents and project mental images I
find harrowing instead of them being pleasant memories that warm the darkest
depths of a soul turned stone cold by other people’s self-serving adulation of
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> returned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The territorial heart skipping beats at this news refused
to come to the party. All I wanted to do was burst into tears. I was torn
between wanting to see him and smothering him with kisses and feeling like
beating him into a bloody unrecognisable mass of human pulp. In my heart of
hearts I know the exact point when our relationship took a turn it never
recovered from; it was that trip in September. I prayed for sanity and
composure. I pep-talked myself into ignorance anytime I heard those demonic,
raucous voices start clamouring for attention. I prayed to be able to look him
in the eye without giving away how fragile and betrayed I felt. I prayed for
the warrior in me to not use words that I know would cut and make one bleed to
a slow painful death like a slug to the intestine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Is there a feeling worse than feeling utterly stupid? Is
there a cure for it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I agreed to meet with him for dinner and did everything I
could to bite hard on my own tongue until it was over. Astounded by my own
resilience and belief of my own make-believe I found myself shaking myself
aware to avoid relapsing into surveying him with the same eyes that had looked
at him that night I found the hair in the toilet. Most of what he said about
his trip was inconsequential to me. I just wasn’t interested. I have enquired
before as to what sort of family he comes from, who his friends are, the exact
nature of his job/career/aspirations and at all times the walls come up so
rapidly they choke off conversation and make one feel like they are being
subversively accused of prying and having no real way to articulate how they
got to that point.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let’s go over the facts for a bit here...yes <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b> is of the Caucasian persuasion, by his divulging he
is the oldest and only son out of a family of three, he has two sisters. I need
to make a quick correction here, the wedding he had attended was not for his
niece- it was his sister’s wedding, his 2<sup>nd</sup> sister and not particularly
his favourite sister and apparently it is du jour to have preferences where
your kinfolk are concerned. That’s why it smarted as much as it did. Granted we
all have our favourites in terms of siblings and relatives but liking my family
as much as I do, their pictures are firmly in photo albums where I whip them
out when the homesickness gets me good. Having two brothers and two sisters as
I do, you will not find now or at any point in my life pictures of them
displayed all over my home and then to especially have one specific sibling to
whom whole tributes exist above the others, even reaching as far as into my
bedroom. Say for instance the desire to masturbate took me, would it not feel
somewhat filthy to be fapping away at myself with an image of my sibling posing
and gawping directly at the bed where I am. Much worse is banging someone’s
head into the wall with your sibling “present”. This was the case in his home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let me put it another way for the sake of context, you have
two sisters- Laura and Sandy. You like Sandy a lot more than you like Laura and
you have two pictures throughout your home of Laura and by last count a total
of thirteen pictures of Sandy including two in the bedroom. When you go to
visit your family you stay with Sandy at her house/your house as you have done
for the past 10-15 years you have been globetrotting. She regularly comes to
visit you in deep dark Africa to the extent that she has a standing supply of
toiletries and her make-up mirror that have a permanent place of habitation on
your dressing table top even though she last visited you more than a year ago.
Yeah yeah so maybe you and this particular sister have such a comfortable
relationship that if she comes through, you move out of your own room and
bathroom just so that she is comfortable in the covers you use and with the
shower head set at the angle she likes which you obviously like too, to the
extent that you move around constantly to homes with ample guest rooms-but
these particular aspects about the layout of your home(s) moves with you. But hey every family has its own dynamic right?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I will point out though that almost half a year into this
relationship my family was well aware that I was very happy, they knew that it
had to do with my having met someone I considered special and we all know joy
like that cannot be contained. Anyone who mattered to me knew exactly what time
it was as far as the source of this added exultation within me. Although no
real direction as to the course of my association with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b>
was laid bare I was secure enough with my perception of him to not be secretive
about who and what he was to me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadly as deep as we were to that point in the dalliance we
had it was morbidly apparent that I was to be kept in a certain position in so
far as his friends, colleagues, strangers and especially his family were
concerned. Don’t even go as far as social media and the dictates of that fickle
arena. Not only was it implied and at times voiced succinctly; it was well and
truly clear that despite any joy we brought and shared with one another I was
to be kept solidly a secret, for reasons only he knew. In what at the time
seemed very romantic and discreet there were places we would not go due to the
nature of our interracial set up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was fast beginning to feel like I had been sucked into
something I genuinely wanted to be in, with someone I genuinely had deep
feelings for but who still had far too many hang-ups within himself to ever be
able to fully address them within himself much less show and actually remedy
the same. Stuff that had absolutely nothing to do with me but directly affected
me more than I ever got comfortable with. Or it could be a reason as simple as
he was not ready to go to any ‘next’ stage with me and had reservations about
me and my intentions in being with him, therefore having familial opinion his
in particular added to the fray would not suit whatever his purpose was. One doesn’t
exactly want to be in a position where they push another person and would
rather wait until they push themselves, hoping they push themselves…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Another revelation is that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b>
has been married and divorced more times than either of us cares to delve into,
him more than me. He has also never had children, but that is a subject for
another day. Obviously before, during and after those events in his life there
would be failed relationships, flings etc. Everybody has a past; the degrees of
floweriness of our pasts are what differ. So justifiably he has trust issues
and is a cynic of note. A misanthrope if you will go as far as to analyse it
psychologically. He is by nature very critical of any and everything. If you
see a perfect blue sky he will point out the clouds as if to minimise the
impact of any moment’s beauty. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>know what made him this way, neither do I
care- all I would like is to at least be given the benefit of the doubt and the
room to make my own mistakes within our relationship before I get<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>silently prejudged and punished on the merit
of other people’s failings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as he point
blank refused to pay for the hurts inflicted on me by my past and the choices I
made in it when that subject reared its ugly head in our interactions. The
thing with him is that it is not laid bare, not spoken as he keeps mum on those
kinds of issues or glosses over them without them ever being addressed, much
less put to rest. He tends to err on the side of the negative outcome and will
shroud it by pronouncing it to be his brand of realism.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It took a lot of time for me to see,come to terms with and eventually accept how he expresses
himself and also to reserve his right to not express himself as this is all
part of what made him who he is. He may project an air of control and other
worldly calm when just beneath the surface bubble demons I can never handle and
that he won’t open up to because he knows he can’t handle them either. It was
one of those things that I could either put him to task about or hammer on
until it reduced both of us to both our pained empty shells or it was something
about him I accepted no matter how begrudgingly and got a move on with him and
paid it no further mind. He obviously had his reasons for conducting himself
the way that he did and as unnatural as it felt to me he was under no
obligation to further complicate his anguish by making it mine too by sharing
it. I respect that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And I will hug him through those things that I don’t
understand, not because I am lacking in any way or compensating a void within
me that I need him to fill but because maybe my being there will help him see
himself as I see him. Maybe it will help him realise that loneliness is a
companion he has chosen whose company he not only detests but continuously
indulges as if her fiendish ways bring calm to his soul. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Love loves
with no but…and love loves LOVE.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-ZA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Follow me on Twitter ~ @mazituwe</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-89218780088574275682014-07-15T06:49:00.001-07:002014-07-15T06:49:05.899-07:00The Cracks Begin to Show<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Early the next day I made my way home feeling like a chewed
up gummy bear. As he drove I stroked his thigh nearest to me and hummed a
nondescript tune to myself. I had woken up to the best bit of morning wood
known this side of the equator and felt ready to tackle the day with fervour. I
was re energised!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During the course of that Sunday he would board a plane and
be gone for at least two weeks. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>has a tendency to be over loving and
gushy whenever he has to go somewhere but something about his demeanour this
time struck me as really odd. He seemed more than keen to go and I didn’t know
whether I had become boring to him such that he wouldn’t miss me or if it was
just resignation to the fact that from time to time separation would be a feature
of our relationship. Whatever it was I just shrugged it off and went about my
business. But I would remember this feeling in the days to come and cast doubt
on my own nonchalance.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As we entered the third day since his departure and there
was still no communication for him, I was damn near frantic. I tried calling
all the numbers I had for him at least once, because more than twice to me
indicates desperation and I will only very rarely call someone more than two
times at a time. All the numbers I had for him I had tried at least once, with
an email to boot and a skype message- I sat back and waited for the rain. The
rain only availed itself on the next Friday morning in the form of a text
message which informed me that he has been swamped and that he had travelled
with a phone that had no credit and whose roaming he had forgotten to activate.
Convenient, I’ll give him that –CON*fucking*VENIENT!!!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">HE was very well and was attending a wedding that
afternoon, not his but a wedding none the less (his niece’s if you really want
specifics).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked myself why I
was only hearing of this wedding story now, when he was already one week into a
trip away. Honestly speaking as events like weddings go it’s disconcerting that
something this huge was not even mentioned in passing. Did he think I would
have begged him to take me with him or what, I just couldn’t rationalise this
information. I only mustered a two word response and let myself simmer in the
juices of so many questions that I knew would not get answered for at least one
week. So why churn it in my head if I knew the outcome, you might ask…because I
am a woman and it is my inherent constitutional right to know everything.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyhow, the weekend came and went without incident and also
without communication. My angel and I went through our usual Sunday at KFC ritual
of ice cream with a thick chocolate stick down the middle. Being lactose
intolerant as I am this was dicing with death, but I just needed a distraction
from the feeling of feeling numb. Monday was work and school as usual, hum drum
run of the mill stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As for your <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>…persistent
deafening silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With or without acknowledging it; the man was now trudging
his heavy self on some very thin ice that covered deep, murky and icy waters
beneath. As if he read my mind he suddenly became uber communicative, I presume
working on the off-chance that this would soften me into responding because his
communication was so sporadic. I let those messages sit and stare back at him
for a good three days, a much shorter time than he ever did but sufficient to
drive my point home. I also made sure he was able to see when I last logged off
and such just so he knew for sure he was not being rewarded for these errant
tendencies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I heard the phone ringing and noticed it flashing his
number I stared it into silence, gave a satisfied shrug, threw it in a cupboard
and went for a walk around the block. Upon my return the noisy bugger was still
vibrating and whining so I did the right thing and picked her up. The high
pitched frantic tone of his voice was absolute syrup to my ears. Sadly; that
was the sum of the joy that phone-call produced. We had a very flippant, casual
conversation which more or less ended before it had begun. I mumbled something
about being out of sight and out of mind and he was pleading for me to just
listen and be patient and he was coming back things have been hectic work was
hell his family is demanding they want to know who he is speaking with and why,it’s
not the right time to get into this yada yada hoody ha none of them own cell-phones
(first world country notwithstanding) and he was sorry oh and Pluto isn’t a
planet anymore and they just found a new rare jellyfish in Venezuela…hogwash…nyanyanyanyanyaaa!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Noise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The first walk had done nothing to calm me down so I went
for another one, a very long one this time. I cussed and spat, punched the air
and got myself drenched by a sudden summer shower which was very angering as
everybody knows summer rain is the best for outdoorsy fornication. Like a
beaten dog with its tail clenched firmly under its own belly I made the long
walk back home and plunged into a hot soapy bath. I sat in there until the
water froze me out, only then did the din in my head calm itself. I was angry. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There! I admit it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How do we get to a place where you as my lover are away for
such a long time and can’t, no won’t say more than a few words to me when it
suits you? What about when I am suited to speaking with you and you barely
muster more than a few cyber grunts or to be specific perennial silence. Of
course if you ask me how I am and how I have been, I will tell you fine, you obviously have no time or desire to hear the gory details lest you would have availed yourself as and when they happened . Then it's like oh oh suddenly
now I am the bad guy because I refuse to be softened by a phone ringing and a
few throw away messages because I should be grateful you have finally decided
to acknowledge my existence and dare-I-say it, lent me a modicum of validation.
Who do you think you are?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> must have been able to tell that I was
nonplussed because I only touched my cell phone the next morning when the alarm
went off. One thing I have never said is how he has a tendency to behave super
nice towards the build-up of him returning from his many forays to where ever
the hell it is he goes. Very chatty, very polite- grovelling almost. The best parts
of this whole Mr-Extra-Super-Nice scene are the final two hours before he boards
a plane to return here, when he is alone in the waiting lounge of whichever
airport he is coming from. I literally sit there imagining him using his
phallus to type the corniest, crappiest anecdotes known to man. Instead of
being a mega aphrodisiac I find it hilarious not only how gullible he perceives
me to be, but how gullible I actually am.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So believe me, it
did not strike me as cute at all that in the midst of all that silence I had
been faced with he had gone back to being bang on trend and suddenly giving a
damn. I had been through this enough times by now to be truthful enough to
myself how this was playing out and how it would continue to play out and it
made my blood boil.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It should be making your blood boil too by now…</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-55461211359478391462014-04-18T14:39:00.001-07:002014-04-30T01:37:28.565-07:00Animal Urges<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Humans are
animals. We let go of inhibitions and hangups when we find ourselves in a place
where our lumps,bumps and tigerstripes are adulated. It ceases to matter where
we are or who might hear or see us. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That said,I
too am an animal.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I let myself
be pretzelled right on that counter and there was no need for words. There was
no time for clothes to be properly removed and neither was there a need for
it...ain't nobody had time fo' that shiiiiiit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">All it took
was a vicious flicking of my racy lacy crotch cover and a stretch for the pack
in the direction of the glass cabinet above my head and within two seconds he
was covered and I had been forcefully impaled. I dug my nails into his lower
back and pulled him hungrily into me. I wrapped my legs tighter about <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;">'</span>s
knees and as my heels dug into the back of his calves it became harder than
ever to ignore that unwelcome pain. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I'll deviate
for a second here and ask how people pull off sex in heels. It hurts, is
impractical and leaves ghastly looking gashes and scratches wherever contact is
made. I find it near impossible to concentrate on manipulating the phallus
balancing and aligning as I pop it, swerve ,slide or twerk on the thing. Any
blue movie that makes it look like it's working is also a lie. Nothing about it
looks or feels smooth when attempted by us mere mortals. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Deviating even
further, how do you take pictures and video and still take delivery of a good
thwacking. My feeble attempts at recording my own trysts for posterity have
been fails on epic levels. While I lie there with posterior flying high and
probably oily and glistening to generate more auditory pleasure from the
occassional slap- with my face crushed into a pillow and shoulders parallel to
it,enthusiastically taking delivery of the phallus with my hair wrapped tightly
around your wrist...IS THIS REALLY THE BEST TIME TO BE REACHING FOR A
CAMERA??? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am open to
learning; so to anyone who has surmounted this great obstacle and conquered
,please contact me with tips and whatnot my details are at the bottom. The best
I have ever been able to do is pay attention to a large mirror or seven
strategically placed around a room. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Nevertheless I
slid down from the sink's side and did a quick turn to profer him my ample
derriere. <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;"> </span>got the clue and gleefully stroked it with both
hands as he simultaneously lifted my wet skirt up and out of the way. I felt
him breathe into my ear while he slipped a hand to the front and prodded for a
few beats until he found the moisture he desired. <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;"> </span>grabbed the back of my head and firmly pressed
down until I lay flat on the counter top. With a slight nudge I felt his
throbbing heat sear straight through my dripping,throbbing tunnel. By now his trousers
were gathered about his feet as he plunged relentlessly in and out of me. I
could feel the front of his shirt coming between our skin and it was anything
but welcome. I stole a glance back at him as I gathered it up and held it to
his torso while still allowing him to keep me held down in position and also
trying not to wake up the neighbours...in Durban...while we were in Pretoria.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Like a rabid
bitch I was howling and gnashing my teeth telling myself I was a big girl and I
could take it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Boyyyy did I
take it! This was officially our first quickie and those 45 minutes flew by
like a few minutes. When he finally collapsed against me in submission and
pulled out,that offensive white shirt had come between our skin again. On it
was a glaring red stain that seemed to report I had bitten off far more than I
could chew. My poor vajayjay had taken a pummeling of a lifetime and the only
thing that compared to my shock at this sight was his profuse apologising. We
both knew I was nowhere near where Aunty Florence was visiting and there was no
valid explanation for what we were both staring at. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He pulled me
straight and stared into my eyes asking if I was alright. I was grinning like
an idiot and nodding my head rapidly and giggling intermittently. He pulled
a chair to my behind and propped me on it , still apologising for 'hurting'me.
You'd best believe I was still kinda orgasming and nothing he said actually hit
home. I was giddy and delirious,basking in the afterglow of a well deserved
re-aligning especially after all the tension that hair debacle had
inspired. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I only came to
when he asked if anything like this had ever happened to me before and jokingly
inquired if I was sure I had actually pushed my child's head out of the same
orifice considering her head and the head I had just been assailed by are both
huge but to varying degrees. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He gently led
me upstairs and sat me on the side of the tub as he drew me a hot bubbly bath.
I was mumbling to myself, watching him hurriedly fuss about getting me a towel
and getting me out of the rest of my clothing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He got into
the water first and pulled me in after him. The tub is quite big it could
probably accommodate 4 adults in one go. He put me on his chest and lathered up
a loofah and softly washed my entire body. He looked rueful at times knowing we
had a whole night ahead of us where cuddling would probably take centre stage
since he had mutilated the goods. As soon as he was done I washed him over and
lay back as I let him wrap a towel around himself then me and followed him to
his bed. Without saying a word, I snuggled into his neck and breathed him
in...feeling like an absolutely glorious, sated and divine Aphrodite. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">It was still
quite early so we twiddled our fingers in unison and talked for a while about
his impending trip. I begged him to stop apologising about earlier as neither
of us could ever have known the plumbing would fail us when it has been through
worse and least of all when it was the last thing we needed. At some point
sleep took over until I woke up feeling a massive urge to empty the
bladder. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I snuck out of
his embrace and tiptoed to the toilet to relieve myself. As I finished up and
dried up I noticed that there was no more cause for worry. I ran back into the
room and jumped on the bed like a toddler, shaking <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>awake and with one
simple demand.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">
Fuck me...now!</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">(Follow me on
Twitter -@mazituwe)</span><br />
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-5629529905953193292014-04-10T06:33:00.001-07:002014-04-11T03:16:15.580-07:00Forensic Evidence<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say black
people do not pace. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Whoever ‘they’ are, they lie. That little toilet cubicle
morphed into a vast cold, tiled white hall with glass walls and steel
buttresses, devoid of décor and whose echoes were emphasised with each high
heeled footfall of my pacing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I could hear my own voice as a distant but approaching
whisper drumming and shouting possibilities in my pounding temples. Those whispers
were building up into a loud crescendo of howls as I spat questions out to
myself in rapid succession and flung answers back in the same compartment
between my ears, none of them at all convincing. All the time I was in there I was
trying to steady my breathing enough to be able to walk out calmly with the
offensive evidence still in hand and calmly still inquire as to what a part of
the female anatomy (yes hair is part of the female anatomy) was doing on the
floor in his toilet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I remembered deceptions as far back as kindergarten. I remembered
that fight in the sandpit. I remembered hurts that got more acute and amplified
as the relationships I got into had gotten more and more complex. I remembered
seeing things and denying them to myself and nowhere was that more evident than
in my marriage. Unrelenting images of worthlessness and lies being fed to me
because it wasn’t a woman’s place to question her partner’s detrimental decisions
and actions especially since those actions would benefit the relationship in
the long run.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any doubts you had
were your own business to deal with and one cannot realistically expect a man
to lose focus of his goals as he mollycoddles your fragile female ego. Well, at
least this is how society felt when you approached it seeking to be palliated
over your suspicions of infidelity or some kind of reassurance from women who
have been doing the whole being a woman thing longer than you. The stubbornness
of the patriarchal mentality thrown at women (even by women) will take a long
time to remedy. It just screams at you to know your place, in the face of doubts,
disquiet and disease and at risk of having a personalised delivery of a death sentence
handed to you in complicity. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just ignore your gut and know your place.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have no idea how long I was in there before I heard a
soft knock on the door that jolted me out of my troubled reverie. I had somehow
sat back down on the closed lid and had faded off into tormented memories of
how I had handled finding such incriminating evidence in the past. I decided
that I had behaved like a wimp and not faced issues head on and I was not that
guy anymore.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Are you ok in there?” <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b>’s voice sounding
muffled through the door and the cacophony in my head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At that point I flushed the toilet again in deflection and
yelled above the noise that I would be out in a second, he should make me a cup
of coffee in the meantime. I sat back down again and recited the Serenity
prayer which goes thus:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Lord,
Grant me</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Courage-
to change the things I cannot accept</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Tempus Sans ITC"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wisdom to hide the body of this man after I am
done using my ample behind to smother the life out of his being”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He told me that my coffee was ready through the same door
and only then did I exit. I sheepishly clambered on to the stool beside the
kitchen counter and eyed him introspectively. Up and down. Surveying his
features and again arguing with myself about how the curve of his nose can’t
possibly be shaped like that of a deceiver. Surely the eyes I was gazing into
can’t be eyes that would watch placidly as I self-combusted. These eyes were
worthy of even more than the 87% trust their owner held. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I took a sip of the coffee and glared at him over the rim
of the cup. I was already in my Detective Clouseau / CSI mode.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He stroked my forearm, smiling when I set it down on the
counter again and cocked his head to the side as he once again asked if I was
ok… I stole a quick disgusted glare at his stroking fingers and he almost recoiled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gotcha!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Before I even formed the sentence in my head fully I had
blurted out “, whose hair is in the toilet?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“What hair?” came his confused response.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I said, “Whose hair is in the toilet of the house you
supposedly live in alone that does not look like mine or yours. Whose strand of
long brown hair is in the toilet?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He looked even more bewildered, his mouth opening and
closing like a drowning fish.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Ohhhh OHHHHHHH you can’t talk now?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Then he started laughing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I hissed through clenched teeth, “You have some nerve…what
is so funny???”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had to steady himself as he almost slid off the chair. I
still had a hot cup of coffee in my hand, this man had hair in his toilet and
he was laughing at my query and anguish? Who the hell did he think he was, or
maybe he just liked taking chances with his life? I settled with the latter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As someone who is usually very quick on the uptake it
startled me that he found this remotely pleasant. His jokey demeanour vaporized,
no - shriveled as it dawned on him that I was livid and shaking visibly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his warm cheek as I struggled
in vain to yank it from his grip. He stroked my face and told me to calm down. He
reassured me that my assertions (which did not need spelling out) were severely
misguided. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had only the day before taken on the services of a
cleaning lady as his schedule would not allow him to clean up the house
properly as well as the laundering and ironing of his clothing. Since he was traveling and needed a solid stock of clothing she had been brought in on a
temp basis to wash and iron his clothing. She was under instruction to make use
of only the toilet downstairs, the kitchen and scullery as well as the laundry
room. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I stole a quick glance at the ironing board and rack of
clean pressed shirts that were hung beside it. Just as quickly I planted my
eyes firmly on the floor as I refused to look at him, he would see my shame.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I managed to mumble that he should have just told me if he
needed to have his washing done. Surely I could have managed that!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #4f81bd; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent1;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> shook me by the
shoulders and forcefully informed me that I am not his maid. He also hastened
to add that I had quite the demanding schedule to deal with and it was simply
not my job to clean up after him. He apologised for not having told me and
pointed out that he never thought it would matter that he had needed cleaning
done and that such a mundane task could cause me such consternation. I stretched
the hair out to its full length and it gave after stretching to almost double
its length-this pleased me immensely because it showed that this was not real
hair, not a Brazilian or even cheap imitation human hair. It was proper
synthetic plastic that I decided would probably be all Sisi Sophie could afford
considering her station in life. MYSTERY SOLVED.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I grudgingly conceded defeat and TOTAL jumping of the gun-
mentally. There was no need to just expose myself like a beached whale even
though I felt like one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promptly got up and
headed to the sink, picking up both our coffee mugs in the process. I opened
the tap and grabbed a washing cloth to just rinse the cups and spoons quickly. I
hadn’t noticed him sneak up behind me and only knew it when I felt his hands from
under my elbows as he tried to grab the cups out of my soapy hands. I had to
keep my hands busy to counter the massive embarrassment that was consuming me. Sadly,
or maybe not so sadly he would have none of it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"You are not my maid !!!" he growled.</span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He spun me around to face him and firmly gripped my ass in
his hands as he pressed me into him in a bone crushing embrace. His lips
covered mine with such urgency and fervour that I almost forgot I was holding a
cup which he very graciously relieved me of. As the cup landed in the sudsy water,
my sudsy hands were wrapping around his neck sucking all the bitterness of the
coffee off his lips and tugging at his ears. </span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Pop! Went one button off his shirt</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Then two off my blouse </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I felt myself being lifted off my feet and placed on a wet,
cold sink side counter and the weight of his body literally force my legs apart
to accommodate him. I eagerly hooked my heels into the back of his knees and
pushed my chest out for him to bury his face in as he pulled my ass in closer
to him, grinding his fully clothed pelvis towards my moist punani….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(Follow me on twitter @mazituwe)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-3607850365745324072014-04-09T13:52:00.001-07:002014-04-30T01:43:45.040-07:00Hairy Affair<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Communication
is the glue that holds any situation together, I've found this to be most true
when in relationships. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Once that
glorious glow of having things in common is overtaken by the glow of never
wanting to be apart and that is taken over by the glow of mind blowing sex
which should normally emphasize the glow of never wanting to part.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">There has to
be a solid foundation it all stems from unless one or both were weaving tales
of wanton wonder-lust. In short, as long as it isn't a mind-fuck there is more
to it than bumping uglies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Where a bottom
line is built upon; as with buildings whose stability depends on concrete
relationships' stability depends on the glue of our words and actions. Do
we keep our promises? Do we maintain and foster communication and trust? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I won't lie. I
am as cynical as they come. When we last put a microscope to my life I
flippantly reeled off details about my personal life and some of the
"associations" I have encountered. I neglected to mention my
GROSS,SWEEPING,INDISCRIMINATE distrust of each and every single male I have
encountered...even my faith in my own superman from conception was to be dashed
as I grew old enough to understand.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> failed to cast many
aspersions within me and I handed him the rare gift of 87% of my Trust. So bad
are my trust issues that my child at the age of seven is living with the
knowledge that her 100% impunity is a direct reflection of her Math grades.
Should these slump as she grows,there shall be a 500g packet of salt with her
name on it as soon as she opens her mouth to talk joining the 5kg already in my
handbag for when everyone else talks. I am always ready with the liberal
pinches of salt and it (the 500g)shall increase should the grades get lower.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Anything you
say can and will come back to bite you in the arse when you least expect it. I
have a memory that terrifies it's owner and an ability to recount blow by blow
any occurrence that disconcerts me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So at 87% <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;"> </span>has
a High Score right there! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">That was until
sometime in September. When the wretched A-word made an unwelcome appearance
again. He was due to travel as usual for work. As usual I had no problem with
any of that. He was going to be gone for two weeks but we obviously had to bank
some serious bedtime.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He got me over
to his temporary place and as we entered the living area clothes were already
being flung on the floor and furniture. It was very urgent and almost all
consuming...almost I say ....until the urge to go to the toilet interrupted the
pre-coital gropes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I loosened
myself from his embrace and made a mad dash for the toilet which is right next
to the door we had burst through moments before. I flicked on the light switch
and dived bum first on the receptive pot. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Having purged
myself of a violent flood and sat there in the satisfying afterglow of the
relieved bladder, with eyes half shut and humming gleefully to myself in sheer
ecstasy- I wiped up ,flushed and rose to wash my hands. Out of the corner of my
eye I spied a long strand of dark brown hair yelling for my attention from just
under the corner of the mat. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Firstly I
hadn't visited in almost a week and</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Secondly I
most certainly did not have a long brown weave on but almost blonde braids and
my natural hair is kinky and black.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thirdly <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>doesn't
exactly get his hair done beyond a clean-cut bald head and shave, he's only a
fan of long hair in other people's heads. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Fourth- <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>lives
alone</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Be it before
he moved house or now when he rented accommodation on a week to week basis...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This man lives
alone!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">
Somebody was going to die tonight.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">(follow me on
Twitter - @mazituwe) </span><br />
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-63401821272989992452014-03-19T07:41:00.000-07:002014-03-19T07:41:51.652-07:00The Love Of Things<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The love of “things” has always been my biggest curse, and
probably yours too. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You know when you can’t leave well enough alone and you
give into the urges that your inquisitive nature demands of you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a regular victim of my own gut instinct as
well as a very active imagination. Yes, yes , yes<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like Cole Sear’s or Haley Joel Osment’s
charater in Sixth Sense…I (probably) see dead people.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I hear voices and I dream very vivid and at times graphic
dreams. The stuff of horror movies; blood and gore as well as candy coated streets
and fantastical nonsense. I have an over active imagination. I have always had
issues with things not sitting well in my gut; I don’t just refer here to my
late onset lactose intolerance. Women you know what I mean when the gut won’t
let something sit well in it. It writhes within you and burns like acid and
begs to be settled and no plain antacid will suit. Only answers and not your
run of the mill bullshit answers will do. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is about to get ugly and anyone with a weak
constitution has been warned. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have been hurt before and if you will, I can be referred
to as damaged goods in areas of trust and faith. As you sit and tell your story
I look at you and nod energetically at everything you say while slipping liberal
pinches of salt from the 5kg bucket I keep in my handbag to all of your
statements. This behaviour applies to everyone (but bear in mind that this does
not take away from the fact that I believe in the inherent good of people) but I
have developed this self-preservation technique in order to balance out my own naïveté
.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Let me give a quick sample rundown of my past as regards
relationships. I am going to edit this so that it portrays me in the best light
possible as I have been around a couple of blocks a couple of times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Identical Twins- Shayne and Wayne: I cannot
for the life of me directly remember who was who and neither could Rumbi, the
chick who laid claim to one or the other. This was kindergarten and these were hands
down the cutest Caucasian dudes in the school. One day one of them didn’t come
to school and this led to a massive showdown in the sandpit with Rumbi when break
time food share was on and the one twin present was partaking in the normal
festivities of sharing lunches with me and not her. That would be the first and
sadly not the only time I actively got physical with another female over a man.
He just walked away and went to call Ms. Hughes to break us apart ...sell out weakling</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Chubby: my first crush from the age of about 7,
our mums were friends and we regularly went to their house or they came over to
ours for dinners. Our parents referred to one another as in-laws and even
though it was all a play I internally wished this dashing young man would
father the 5 children I intended to mother someday. Thankfully we kid about it
here and there and no pining or wishing for those childhood days exists. He has
grown into a tall and still dashing career driven manly man, engaged if not
already married so I wasn’t too far off the mark.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-String of nonentities, other guys who had
crushes on me or I on them</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Mayor’s son: I had the hugest crush on this
chiselled young prefect, as did half of the school, female teachers, hostel
matrons as well as wives of male teachers. He was athletic and mmmmm yummy. This
boy I literally stalked, wrote him letters, snuck him glances and practised his
signature if he so much as walked past me in the corridor (I have spoken of
this before). Our parents were also really familiar and we would visit their
farm they would visit us. He was a year older than me and we are cool right
now, he has a family and a gorgeous one at that; we also share laughs about the
good old days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bighead: this was my first “boyfriend” I was 14
and he is the first guy I kissed. For a whole 2 hours while I was on holiday
under a street light in a town in the Midlands of Zimbabwe. Things fell apart
when he appeared at my school’s dance with a hot girl who is now actually a
great friend but was my unspoken arch rival at the time. I don’t know what
happened to that new fool.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mr Chiweshe: body of a modern day Adonis full
stop (.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Funny Valentine/ Big Head 2: our school had
this terrible culture of having roses delivered on Vday by the Interact/Rotary
club. The most popular girls would get bucket upon bucket and pimply me was
among the awkward bunch that was at risk of marching out of that classroom with
heads hung in shame unless we bought ourselves the things. So I recruited this
guy from our church youth group solely for the purpose of getting even one
rose. Soon as that was done I quickly disabused him of all his illusions of
happily ever after and gave him his marching orders. He also had a big head. The
only thing I felt bad about was that I actually gave him the money to buy me
those flowers…</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Skinny Big Head: he deflowered me at the age of
16 one month and 4 days at Nyasha’s party, in a field under the stars on a fur
coat that may or may not have belonged to my mother. A strong relationship that
even resulted in me introducing him to my mum ensued for almost a year and
ended when he cheated on me with a friend of his cousin who also had a big head</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Zeus: I hit and run him to get over Skinny Big
Head in a garden at a party and borrowed his khaki Levi jacket and never
returned it</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Names elude me, places elude me but there was
an incident in a hotel powder room on a Sunday morning he is also happily
married to a gorgeous babe and their son thankfully looks like his mama. The guys
at school dances- salute comrades. The one with the undescended gonad….all of
the oral in elevator, teenage fumblings lol. More non entities.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> -
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Otis: he too had a big head that got cornrowed
regularly, he smoked , drank flaming shots of Sambuca and dressed like a
gangster with gaudy thick gold chains and form fitting vests. He never hit it. There
was simply no way I was going to play with worms when I had handled anacondas. Yes
Otis, you have a worm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">-Mr Mazda: would wait for me after school until I
couldn’t ignore him anymore and boy have I never regretted that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Like I said I am being conservative here. Mr <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mazda was to be the last before my marriage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s always the same script and different cast. I will
spare you the intricacies of it all because I am sure the conservatives among
us are sanitising their eyes and spraying bleach over their screens in a bid to
purge themselves of my teenage misadventures. Haha. But this is a reality a lot
of us don’t want to face. Many children are sexually active long before they
are remotely ready to deal with the emotional implications of a physical
relationship not to mention the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted
diseases. I paid attention in sex-education classes and I made sure my ass was
covered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One common denominator in all my past relationships and
crushes is that I am very gullible when I am in love/ like/ lust. I put my own
heels over my head and wrap the wool over my own eyes without help from anyone.
Hell. I can catch you in the act and if you got up and started singing that it
wasn’t you I would probably pick up your clothes for you and say let’s go home
babe look at what the devil is trying to do to us. In short I love stupidly and
whole heartedly even if that love is not returned in equal or adequate measure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have been deceived, cheated on, lied to, manipulated,
used, and a great range of un-typable un-speakables. I am rabidly faithful and
expect the same faithfulness to a degree where I always find myself sitting
with egg on my face, tears streaming down my cheeks and an ever increasing
distrust and dare-I-say resentment of the male species. Usually this is over
things I will have seen and chosen to ignore in my love drunk state. Things that
are so glaring and irregular that they need no introduction. Things that gnaw
at me and latch onto my intestines, causing me insomnia and putting me in CSI
mode. You do not want to cross me when I am in CSI mode and my gut won’t let it
go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">has
not been spared from this fate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-52394665752660910662014-03-13T14:23:00.001-07:002014-04-30T01:50:42.999-07:00The Socks Maketh the Moan<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Nemesis</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">has always worn the
most interesting socks, quite cute really for a man of his stature and
demeanour. One thing I always poke fun at him about is the flowery near
childlike appearrance of them. Black body with bright yellow toes and heels,
bright orange, bright red, striped black and grey with the same bozo the clown
red edging. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Many more
times than I care to count it has been claimed that all I am is a sex mad
nymphomaniac after I have illicited a string of profanity coupled with glorious
praise to the Creator (circa Jesus,B*tch) but all it is, is these socks! I
can't control myself just at the thought of them. All I need is a peek of them
and I start getting hot under the collar and buzzing between the thighs.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Woooohoooo a
man gotsta have sexy socks y'all. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We decided one
day to dispense with our usual non focussed conversation and actually spend
time discussing one another’s interests from long term life goals, to
everything and nothing. He started off asking why I never seem to have nothing
to say. For a second I looked at him with skew eyes and a raised eyebrow before
I asked if he thought that I talk too much. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ohhh but no
said he, apparently I keep him spellbound and enraptured by how easy my opinions
flow, my desire to learn more when I don't know something and my innate
curiosity about massively varied facets of life. He was hooked on my zest for
life no matter how much life seemed to want to drive me to the edge of my
sanity and tip me over it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">How did I
manage to still attack each day as if the one before hadn't sapped every ounce
of hope out of me. I to this day haven't been able to provide an answer for
that. All I am is a hopeless optimist by nature, made even more hopeless
through being a mother and as if that wasn't enough by finally finding a
doppelganger in the man sat across the table from me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When it comes
to my nature call me stupid if you will but I have been brought up to believe
that in every human being there lies an inherent streak of good. Them not
having found it in themselves is no reason to believe it is not there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I have also
been raised on my mother's mantra 'ZVICHANAKA' (in my native Shona this
translates to -it will be well/fine/great/wonderful dependent on what context
you apply). My mum is a certifiable hopeless optimist and like my well-formed
African curves I got this from my mama. In as much as she can shed the most
harrowing of tears and cry so much it breaks your heart she has never hidden
her pain from all five of us when she feels it and she has never hidden her
joys and victories either.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">No matter what
her experience she has never blocked herself from feeling, never blocked her
offspring either. This has shaped the woman I am, the mother I am and the lover
I am.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Having been
married to my father for over 29 years my mum has seen it all. From holidays
everywhere, dinners with business and opinion leaders, the high life through to
the lows of cross border trading and being robbed with a gun pressed against
her temple when all she was trying to do was guarantee our livelihood and even
lower still. Their love stands strong. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This woman
lovingly discouraged me from getting married too young but due to the same
heady feelings that had coursed through her veins in her youth and the
sensibility she had instilled in me, gave me blessing to become a wife. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not because I
was totally ready, who is ever ready at 19? But because she had raised a strong
woman who could handle herself and because she never stopped me from being able
to feel. When after 5 years I came back a shadow of myself, beaten ,battered, mentally,
emotionally and psychologically abused telling both my parents if I didn't end the
marriage someone was going to die-most likely me nogal.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">She never said
I told you so...she cried harder than I did, she felt my pain and she held and
rehabilitated not just me but my child too. This is my template of what a woman
is.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This woman's protégé
is what <b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nemesis</span> </b>has had the great fortune of associating with. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As to my big
dreams, I want to work with women especially those that never had a mother like
mine and find themselves in situations worse than I was in. I want to give back
the way I was given to when the next and only option was suicide. Ultimately I
want to be able to set up a centre where disadvantaged women and girls can be
empowered, rehabilitated where they can just BE. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not one of
these shoving of radical feminism down society's throat but a place that
encourages healthy relationships, self-respect and respect for the next person
whether you know them or not. A place where a doctor can offer medical
assistance not for money but pro bono- for the good of the populace. Where a
tailor can teach women to sew so that they can teach their daughters. Where a
hairstylist imparts their skills to a teenager who helps another and in turn
assists around their own home and community. Where a 12yr old reads to toddlers
and pre-schoolers to grow their desire to learn simple things- market
gardening, chicken rearing, whatever...people taking care of people. Finding
solutions within ourselves for ourselves and not waiting for a saviour in the
form of an overstretched government or disconnected donor community.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">By the time I
had rattled off my dreams with ever widening and glistening eyes, animated
gestures and a faraway look...our fingers had intertwined. <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> held my gaze and was staring at me in
the oddest manner. I damn near expected a round of applause as soon as he
finished wiping the drool off the table. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The entire
time I had been talking he had his gaze fixed on the ample 42DD cleavage on
display courtesy of the Jezebel bustier under a sheer top whose button had
popped open somehow. The man was decidedly happy and pulled me towards him in a
rushed embrace over the table. Right there he planted a huge kiss on my lips
and told me he believed in me (and it had nothing to do with the big boobies)
he believes in my dream. Apart from my brother/confidante no one had ever heard
me speak of this, but I spoke honestly and he believed. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">With a stretch
of his back and a flick of his foot, he exposed a bit of those damn socks...I
threw him a wicked glance and licked my bright red lips seductively. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We had to
leave...NOW!</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">(Follow me on
Twitter @mazituwe)</span><br />
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-67908398611669212292014-03-10T15:46:00.001-07:002014-04-30T02:01:17.391-07:00BITCH<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>and I had been going strong for a
while now and had kind of settled into the lull of sex charged comfortability.
Days turned into nights and they turned into days where nary a moment went by without
wanting to consume each other whenever we were apart. For a good chunk of time
there was no travelling on his part, no bloody A-word and no drama. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">One weekend my
pumpkin and I took a trip out of town and decided to spend the weekend visiting
with friends. All was well...Until he went out that one night and even if I had
been in town I felt I was going to give it a pass. He was in really high
spirits and I honestly just wanted to sit on my bed and twiddle my fingers and
listen to baby reading me fairy-tale after fairy-tale in the company of my
girls. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He called and
I missed his call as I was deep twiddle and seriously concentrating. Next thing
I got an sms saying babe, why don't you pick up and was I pissed off about
something. I deliberately ignored that too as the twiddle was reaching epic
proportions. We (baby, friends and I) had decided that we were going to going
to lose our minds even further in a game of 5-7yr old age appropriate Scrabble.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We were not
backing down...we were going innnn. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">No matter how
bad you were feeling wherever you were <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>.
There was no beef whatsoever but you know how it is when you just start feeling
crowded by Love. I wasn't feeling like being banged senseless or cuddled
clueless and I genuinely couldn't express that. He rang a second time and this
time I excused myself from the throes of the enrapturing board game, and went
outside to listen to his silky voice caress my body like the gentle breeze I
stood in.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Before I knew
it I was leant against a pillar almost catching cramp from twiddling my toes
and imagining my feet intertwining with his in our pre and post coital tango. I
slid to the floor and squeezed my thighs together, rocking back and forth as
the throbbing was getting too much. As if he read all my movements he egged me
on. Timidly at first and with ever increasing fervour I sat there like a
praying mantis, loose limbed but attentive just begging for some kind of
release.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">His voice rose
and fell rapturously. He made me feel him tracing hot wet kisses, down my neck
and behind my ears; around my collar bone and on the pert peaks of my nipples.
Blood was filling up my head generating a thudding that had me woozy and seeing
shooting stars in a light dusk sky. Damnit, if I rushed back now I could still
make the train back home and bang his brains out all night long...the friends
could wait. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then just as
suddenly as he had me breathing heavy down the phone I had to calm myself to
speak to his friend he had been having drinks and catching up with</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Hie
*clearingthroat* ehermm uhmmm Hie *clearingthroatagain* how are you? My name is
Tuwe...phew no hint whatsoever of my unstable state seemed to travel through
the airwaves and Mr Friend was none the wiser about how whorish I felt at that
moment.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Nemesis
</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">had
gone to get something from his car and Mr Friend and I got better acquainted.
He asked a bit about me what I do blaa and somewhere along the line I let slip
that I bake. He let out a mighty roar and said that means nothing if u can't
brew a proper beer woman! Luckily my contemporaries did a good job in training
me to be a 'proper' woman so with great confidence I announced my prowess in
the manufacturing of inebriating substances and momentarily earned myself some
serious bragging rights. Papi grabbed the phone back and talked general
nonsense for a while until we got disconnected. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Almost two
hours and several beers later and the loss of any good sense and inhibitions <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>and Mr Friend were on the phone again.
By this time my girls had safely left my baby with a battalion of likeminded
kids, a paid baby sitter and a very weary grandmother; fed and sufficiently
stocked up on marshmallows and cartoons. We left home, headed for the sanctity
of a jazz club where we could flex a bit of tail as well. I picked up...
First thing to assault my ears was the sound of loud raucous music and the
evident backdrop of a nightclub.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">With much
difficulty we talked and upon inquiring as to where I was and getting an answer
the next statement blew the lid off my evening. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Hunny, please
don't let anyone touch you while you are out there...that ass is mine, do you
hear me? You are MY BITCH!!!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">....bitch? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ohhhhhhellno!
Bitch???? Me? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh you done
crossed the line right there mister! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">With your
friend beside you that I haven't even met and you are busy throwing around
words like that about me? I immediately hung up on him. After at least seven
call backs I eventually picked up and made sure I was in the noisiest
place possible since he was now home and obviously watered down...I told him
very politely that I was in no mood to discuss his gaffe and we would maybe
deliberate on it upon my return. He almost cried begging forgiveness and I was
not giving any of that out. I told him to sleep and reflect on the error of his
ways, I would see him tomorrow.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Upon return to
Pretoria I sought him out and on first opportunity tied him to a bed and put
him through the most delicious hell he has ever experienced. All I wanted was
to hear two words Jesus (very important coming from a nonbeliever) and Bitch...
I rode on that thing like my life depended on it, pleasured with my tongue and
a slicked oily body until both words erupted from him with such violence it
almost landed me on the floor. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sweating and
breathing hard I planted a satisfied kiss on his lips as I untied him and
calmly whispered...'In this and other rooms,bed, naked grinding your brains out
...this is where you call me BITCH not in the middle of a club... </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">We giggled,
then laughed and breathed erratically...and that inspired bitch let herself get
flipped over and pummelled all night to her and her <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="color: #0070c0;">'</span>s delight </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt;">(follow me on
Twitter @mazituwe)</span><br />
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<![endif]-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-7836781748803014272014-02-17T12:49:00.001-08:002014-02-17T12:51:00.254-08:00The Table's Fifth Leg<p>I read something today that made me feel quite guilty for just upping and leaving the blogosphere, the same place where even though you know my face and the bit you do see is covered somehow we connected you and I.</p>
<p>I hate that I have allowed life to get to me so badly that it's taken away from such a great story and dimmed the all consuming glow this love incites in me. For that I apologise profusely and beg that you find it in your heart to forgive me. </p>
<p>When we left off, the love had been confirmed as mutual and it was all systems go...well sort of....The man returned and we broke with the tradition of bonking each other's brains out at first opportunity and went to have a civilised meal where we just gazed into each others faces and drowned in one another's eyes. I love this man and this man loves me. Despite everything we had been through with each other, he saw all my faults, failings and stretch marked abdomen and loved me anyway. </p>
<p>He saw me at the level I saw myself which made it easier for me to accept him into my space (*Ts &Cs apply). We talkd forever and I had my feet nestled on the warm hard bulge on his lap as he stroked and massaged them under the table. I had eaten my fill and now needed to fill other...</p>
<p>ehermm...</p>
<p>yeah...the kittykat. </p>
<p>So as we sat in the lull of an almost empty lounge with our fingertips touching lightly and breathy responses emanated in starts and stops from areas other than my mouth I could feel his energy. I could feel him moving in me without any erotic move made, no suggestion of rough,animal push me to the wall coitus -nada! </p>
<p>I was yearning for<b> Nemesis</b> so badly. I was afraid standing up and trying to maintain balance would give me away as I squeezed my thighs together trying to waddle and clench my way to the ladie's room for a quick stroke. He was no better because he was literally giving the table a fifth and unnecessary leg.</p>
<p>Both of us were in deep physical pain from being in a place so public, trying to act like there hadnt been an ocean between us a day before. He made a play at some excessive yawning and untucked his shirt to try and hide his indignity...it seemed to work, he made it to the loo ok. Crisis arose while he was trying to aim at the urinal and almost sprayed his bladder on the ceiling. Tisk tisk -Cocky bastard sends me a message from the bathroom saying I was in for it tonight,never has he had to almost sleep on the urinal trying to direct things the right way, what was I doing to him. I just laughed and said he was only permitted to give himself one shake... anything more than that would be considered masturbation and I wasn't about to accept a watered down performance that night due to him partially emptying the tank. To that he retorted that I had been in the loo for a good 8 minutes earlier how did he know I wasn't reducing my tensions as he sat waiting for me. </p>
<p>Ok ok fine I had been caught out but had I not done that the diners staff and management could have had themselves an eye and earful after I carefully strung napkins together, tied him to the tablelegs, jumped on top of him and fed my hunger the way I really needed to. I would have probably landed both of us in jail as well.  Exactly 6mins and 34 seconds after heading to the loo he came out breathing hard and looking like a hot and feverish rabid canine he hurriedly paid the bill and probably tipped more than the total cost of the bill as he grabbed my elbow and literally pushed my goosebumped body out of that place: </p>
<p>we ran, squealed and giggled like teenagers getting to his car..first it  was his hand on my thigh aaandd it slid down...deeper...deeper  as   he sped home  I sssped to heaven with   his  shaft firmly  gripped  in my hand...needless to say, that poor car saw things</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-68892570326421560802014-02-03T03:36:00.000-08:002014-02-03T03:36:23.288-08:00Life Happens<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Ok </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I am not fine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">The past few days and weeks have been SHIT SHIT
SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personal trials, professional tests, parenting issues- EVERYTHING.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I am not going to keep pretending I am ok it’s not profiting
me in any way. I cry at the sight of leaves falling, small things and big
things too. I have mentioned before that I may or may not be depressed I don’t
think I could deal with an actual diagnosis and quite frankly one doesn’t need
an educated professional in a white trench-coat , a couch and an office full of
fake flowers to know that self-diagnosis and Dr. Google are the key to all life’s
ugly mysteries.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Things overtake and swallow me sometimes and I can
only focus on a small spectrum of things. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
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<br /></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">5am Wake</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Pray</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Bath</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Coffee</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Work</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Pray </span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">More coffee</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">3l of water a day and try to remember to eat</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Work</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Go home</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Pray</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Do homework</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Do a quality activity with my child</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Make supper</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Eat</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Bath</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Pray</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Surrender to Insomnia peppered with exhaustion</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Try to read ANYTHING</span></li>
<li>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">3am (if I’m lucky) knock out </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">(Watermark yourself some <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> throughout all the
activities on a daily and note that all the praying may be likened to a mad woman walking around muttering to herself, maybe I do actually talk to myself and no one hears me)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">But this is life, you cruise on auto pilot -everything
becoming a knee-jerk action that bears no meaning and is as mundane as it is
necessary. Nothing seems to change and nothing you seem to try to do changes
anything. The things you love doing do not incite any feelings of joy or
accomplishment. Everyone is just so used to seeing you being so strong and
holding your head up high when you feel like you are going to spontaneously
combust the next time anyone dares say hi and how are you. Plenty of times I have
had someone as that and find myself snorting back, do you want the truth or
would you just like a generic make-you-feel-like-you’ve-done-humanity-a-favour-by-asking-gratuitous-type-answer?
I wish someone…anyone would actually give a damn. I believe I am becoming quite
dehydrated from all the crying. What is saddening too is this whole adage about
a trouble shared being a trouble halved. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Ain’t nobody about that crap! Just cut it</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">I have a simple policy, no need to trouble anyone
with my troubles if there isn’t a damn thing they can do about it. No need
having a whole battalion of people joining in the sleeplessness I shoulder
daily as if it will help me with my quotas. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Equally depressing is the fact that through all
this I long so badly for the one person who knows everything to be more…I don’t
know what more I expect or want him to see that I need him to be. I am all
talked out and there is nothing I can see that can silver-line these clouds,
they have deep ominous forbidding shadows and only the eerie piercing beauty of
a lightning bolt periodically slithers through illuminating and devastating in
one fell swoop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"> PA!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Just as suddenly as lightning strikes the cliff edge between
ecstatic and suicidal becoming blurred in the fog of one drama unrelentlessly
beating down on me just as I start to see any glimmer of hope (This Is Me) coming through
the dark tinted greyness of this abyss….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">What is hope anyway? Who does it belong to? What do
you need to have done to deserve it. Haven’t I paid penance enough in my short
lifetime to have suffered for the sins of even ancestors that walked this
continent long before my time? No matter how much scripture, motivational
writings and quotes I digest I see no point to it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Do you know
why you I am here?</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Why I keep going from one disaster and train-smashing
into the next, almost actively seeking out things to knock me down and slowly
press any joy at existing out of my stubborn life source, making my lungs gasp
for air they have no joy at receiving since there is no point to anything.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Even this whole blog thing, I am too tired of life
to actually put as much heart into it as I would love to. Hey…if I am not
talking about <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis
</span></b>and his sexual prowess who gives a damn right? No matter. We all
have problems nothing special about mine, right? Even the good loving I got
this weekend is set in almost stone old pallor right now, I feel zero motivation
to do anything except work…auto pilot on and Anthony Hamilton in my ears. Look for
the song listen to it, put it on repeat and pretend the world actually cares</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">DEAR LIFE</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Early was
the morn', flowers filled with dew<br />
I became somebody through lovin' you<br />
softly as a child born in natural rain<br />
I predict the seasons to go unchanged</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Sometimes in
life you run across a love unknown<br />
Without a reason it seems like you belong<br />
Hold on dear life, don't go off runnin' from what's new<br />
I became somebody through lovin' you</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Warm was the
sun that covered my body so<br />
Reminded me of you as I'd first known<br />
Those were the days, the days that changed my life<br />
And made me new, I became somebody through lovin' you</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Sometimes in
life you run across a love unknown<br />
Without a reason it feels like you belong<br />
Hold on dear life, don't go off runnin' from what's new<br />
I became somebody through lovin' you</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">As the sun
shine down on me<br />
I know with you and love is where I wanna be<br />
Oh, sometime I go on through life<br />
Thinking that love is something that's not meant for me<br />
Woah, somebody, somebody</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Hold on dear
life, don't go off runnin' from what's new<br />
I became somebody through lovin' you<br />
I became somebody through lovin' you<br />
Oh, I became somebody through lovin' you, oh, oh, ooh</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Songwriters</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><br />
HAMILTON, ANTHONY CORNELIUS / ETIENNE, JUNOD</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;">Published
by</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><br />
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, RESERVOIR MEDIA MUSIC, RESERVOIR
MEDIA MUSIC OBO JUNOD ETIENNE PUB. DESIGNEE</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA;"><br />
Read more: <a href="http://www.metrolyrics.com/dear-life-lyrics-anthony-hamilton.html#ixzz2sFjwYgUS"><span style="color: #003399;">Anthony Hamilton - Dear Life Lyrics | MetroLyrics</span></a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-64329546959794238992014-01-24T03:47:00.001-08:002014-01-24T03:47:16.817-08:00Non-Nemesis Post<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I am feeling despondent, lost, like I am a failure and so
many different things I can hardly articulate today….I would like to dedicate
today’s blog to anyone who can relate to this</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Yesterday brought on a new level of appreciation for the
gift that is life. Before you sleep tonight remember that tomorrow is not a guaranteed
thing</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Spare a thought for that parent who does not know where
their child is or has had to bury them before they had a fair shot at life</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Spare a thought for that mother who nursed a child and that
father who feels he's a failure because he didn't protect his family
sufficiently</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Spare a thought for that woman who had only a shoe left to
identify the mangled corpse that once was a child brimming with potential</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Spare a thought for that broken family that never found
their lost or stolen child. Spare a thought for the pain that child goes through</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Last night, and even now I sit here thankful that although
I do the best I can for my daughter, her safety and wellbeing I cannot always
control outcomes</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I sit here thankful that she was safely in bed when so much
could have happened that would have stripped my life of meaning in this day</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For a few hours today everyone who knew where my child
should have been could not provide answers. For those hours I was dead inside</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With each passing second, horrific possibilities of what
could be happening to her pierced my heart. Time stood still and still moved
too fast.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are so many things I need to make right for my
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All my energy is drained. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But I'll get down on my knees and
praise God that I'm with her. I will take time to spare a thought for those
without... those without hope, without answers and without closure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Please pray for them too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-67181386964906732002014-01-23T04:53:00.000-08:002014-01-23T04:53:15.474-08:00Impractical Declarations<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Ok, so <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> loves me? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What now?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We would have a proper discussion about this upon his
return. I will gloat a little bit for a moment here…I had known these were his
feelings for a while now; you know a woman just knows these things. It was
never a matter of “if” but “when” he was going to up and say something. No way
was I going to be the one to say it first although I had been basking in the
feeling for a while now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Despite all that I will say about being a strong woman and
not being a girly girl, I still believe very strongly in the status quo and our
traditional roles as men and women. Men chase, woo, provide and so on: Women
get chased, get wooed and get provided for. Simple. But since the world
changing has absolved us as humans of our prime responsibilities to self and
the notion of family we can excuse you for being like me. I for a long time
believed some bitter old spinster stepped up and grabbed a machete and drove it
deep into the back of Chivalry, twisting it and stabbing him a couple of times for good measure
and just to make sure he was well and truly departed from his mundane but
overrated existence…I say again- the concept is dead</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since I had known that this was coming I had for a while
been practising appropriate responses to this imminent revelation. Appropriate responses
all of which deserted me when I needed them the most. The man was in tears
telling me his deepest innermost feelings and I was sitting there wracking my
brain trying to remember the right words to say and clutching at straws in the
dark (imagine, with my eyesight) I was so disappointed in myself that I started
to laugh.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> was gobsmacked!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He loves me and I am rolling around on my bed in fits of
uncontrollable laughter? Little did he know that I was kicking myself wishing I
had written down all the various answers I had for all the various scenarios I regularly
played in my head. You know the way it is when you are a primary school going
girl and that guy you have a crush on even half glances at you. You rush home
and start practising signing letters and important documents with your first
name’s initial and his surname. You all know the type of heady and giggly, presumptuous
pubescent mannerisms I’m talking about. We all did it!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Ok…enough deflecting- I had to face the revelation. I just
went “Awwwww” read like a thousand ‘w’s in that. It just went on and on. I could
tell he was in his deepest feelings right there and I didn’t want to just shoot
the man down. So I asked instead if he knew what he was talking about, what it meant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He assured me he was dead certain and had been for a while
(I did say this, remember?)He had just never found the opportune time to tell
me. I asked if he wasn’t just saying things because he felt sorry for me and
because I sounded suicidal. He again emphasised his sincerity.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I needed an escape quickly so that I could find my mental
notes and regale him with all the possible responses I had rehearsed. Brick wall.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I asked if he could excuse me so that I could go and
relieve myself. This in itself was odd because I have been known to do this
with the phone pressed between my head and shoulder trying to balance it away
from falling into the cistern and smouldering the raucous noise flushing it
produces. I actually put the phone down on my pillow and moon-walked to the
lavatory, pumping the air with excited fists and half wetting myself with the
sudden activity. My body isn’t used to feeling joy -it’s so bad that the thing
doesn’t know what to do with itself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After leaving less than 10ml in the loo…apparently I wasn’t
actually in need of relief I calmed my voice and tentatively got back on the
phone. I drawled supinely that I was back and proceeded to listen to him
continue extolling the virtues of my character and the how-many-ways-he-loved
me as if I was used to this kind of glorification. I took a hard stance and
again asked what ‘this’ now meant. He explained that his dreams and his work
remained the same and nothing would <u>ever</u> change that, was I in a
position to handle that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #00b0f0;">“Hearts will never be practical until they become
unbreakable” </span></div>
<div align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
- Wizard of Oz</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I lay there mentally screaming….WAY TO BURST A BUBBLE <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">NEMESIS</span></b>!!!!!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Never*</b> (watch carefully how this is going to go) was I going to
give in to the urge to tell him that I loved him back, he had to hang himself
out to dry completely first. He insisted that this was not the proper way to do
it but he wanted me to keep my chin up until we could discuss things in person.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know he was dying for the declaration, he too knew it was
coming. But where was the fun in just letting him have it easily like that,
come on! I grunted the subject away in dismissal and proceeded to ask after the
weather and the levels of humidity in relation to the density of cloud cover
and rates of precipitation. He laughed his big bellowing laugh and actually
answered it. I laughed even harder. We were cool like that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I proceeded to sprawl my body on the bed and nearly pushed
Kung-fu<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Panda (read my daughter) out of
bed with the moves I pulled finishing off that phone-call and into the night. She
has skills; one can wake up to find her foot in one’s mouth and her back
upended off the bed in a precarious way, but dead asleep and snoring
contentedly. That night I gave her a run for her money…by morning my foot was
in her mouth hahaha!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">*Before I had hung up last night I had managed to draw out
my hesitance to respond to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> no longer than 45 minutes. I implore
you to please pay homage to my self-discipline…or lack thereof!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I almost shouted at the top of my lungs that I love him too…but
ehhh I have neighbours and stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So, yeah....</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WE LOVE EACH OTHER</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-3655475633056747562014-01-22T03:05:00.002-08:002014-01-22T03:05:44.697-08:00Cupid Strikes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The blog-post yesterday stirred a lot of feelings, not everyone
found it agreeable or tasteful, though a lot secretly liked it …but since this
is my story, it shall continue. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We incorporated our new found distraction into our
repertoire and both found that it shortened otherwise long and dreary days. It made
the yearning less profound and was always a nice wind down to me especially
since I would go to bed with a massive grin on my face. Sometimes he would be
awake and I asleep but I found a way to make sure <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> had a pleasant image to
go to sleep with. I would take pictures and stuff at night, talk to him deep
into the night and then bombard him with 'gifts' around 9am here, 9pm there. It
worked out really nicely really, he talked to me before he went to work and I
had his voice in my ear before I slept. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Two weeks slipped by and I hardly even noticed. I did my
usual me things whether he was here or not, dinners, walks, reading, park,
dancing and movies. At the start of the third week he announced he would be
back at the end of the next one. I still got on with my life though I was missing
him. Then the time for him to return finally came aound. He had organised a
surprise getaway for me and with no clothes to change I was spirited away. Who
needed clothes anyway when it was going to be room service all around? We were
not there for the scenery or buffet. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Strangely enough, that night we just held each other and
talked. Drowning in each other's eyes and just feeling one another’s heat and breathing.
When morning came, it REALLY came! We loved each other deep and tenderly. It
was effortless, the feeling of falling into him and I didn't want to leave. He
had left his house-keys with a friend, hence us not going to his home the
previous night by midday we parted after he got them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In other news ……He was only here for a week. He had just returned
to finalise renting out his place as he used it so little lately. The idea of
occupying it had flitted through my brain but the logistics would never pan out
and he would never accept my money be it for rent or household utilities. But I
wasn’t about to put myself in a position where I imposed upon him to be super
charitable to me in a hidden contract like that, it would only compromise me at
a later stage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Besides it was far too big and out of the way for me. I
like my small place at least it's my OWN space.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We packed as much activity as we could into that one week,
music shows, dinners, chats, scrabble it was like a dream. We made sure we had
extensive quality time with one another until the morning he had to leave
again. He was apologetic and feeling the pits. Never having been too good with
goodbyes myself, he always went to the airport on his own and stored his car
safely. He had spoiled me with enough chocolate to carry me through my sudden
voracious cravings and spread a warm fuzziness all over me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have never been at pains about his comings and goings
because at any given time we both know exactly where we are and what each of us
is doing. It was a voluntary disclosure, he did it because he never wanted me to
be worried about him but I did it because I wanted him on his toes, to show that
in my world he is important but not so important as to stop the sun shining he
had to know that I was to be pursued and worked for. Some men are strange like
that the more you hide the less they care, the more you show the more they want
to know. Mysterious balance; and it goes against every value drummed into you
by all those relationship and self-help books doesn’t it? But this works for
us, knowing where I was and what I was doing wasn't saying he should leave me
alone, but he should know that my being with him is a choice I have made. I fit
him in my schedule when it suits me and if it doesn’t he has to find ways to
entertain himself and not look to me for suggestions. Or make me feel bad about
enjoying whatever I am doing, if twiddling my fingers for hours or watching my
nail polish dry stimulates me I will do that over giving him half-baked
company.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">His not being here didn't mean I wasn't dressing up and
going out, or being looked at and asked for my number. But it got to him…JACKPOT!
I felt a heady happiness from knowing he actually felt he had something worth
holding onto in me. I giggled as I pictured him pounding his puffed out chest
like the Alpha gorilla staking his claim that she is MINE MINE MINE! Though when
talking to me it was all yeah have fun, but behave, but kill them with your hip-sway,
but don't let anyone near you. <u>Welcome you Green-eyed monster you!</u> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For some days I had been feeling super low and no matter
how chirpy I tried to sound over the phone, at work, with people I was drowning
and fast getting depressed. I didn't know what I wanted. He picked up on it
from the first day. He would joke and lift my mood until it was all ok again. Yes
I am a grown woman but I just wanted my mama. I just wanted to tell her so much
and just to be in her company even if it would be just for a day; I also wanted
a long walk with my father.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here I was trying to eke out a living in a foreign land, overworking
and just missing familiarity. Nothing around me seemed kind or in the least bit
hopeful. I dreaded waking up as much as I dreaded trying to get to sleep. I was
still trying to be Superwoman juggling three jobs and mothering a child that
left me mentally drained with her 40yr old mind. I had too much going on and
absolutely nothing going on all at the same time. I just wanted to scream!!! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> called that night he did most of the
talking. I had no energy for enthusiasm and I was even happy he was away. If he
had been around and we had plans this was one of those days I was going to turn
him away and bolt the door, guilt-free and jubilant. As we spoke, he was
rambling and rambling and I was just affable. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He spoke my full name……that grabbed my attention. He never
does that</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was as if someone had told him all the things I was
failing to say and he told me that he knew and that he understood everything. He
said to me he knew I was feeling alone and that no one cared or worried about
me. Feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, a near sight
suicidal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He got all that HE understood it but HE needs me, HE wants
to be with me, HE is missing me. Most of all...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He is in love with me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He has known it for a while and maybe this isn’t the place
or way to tell me. But <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">NEMESIS</span></b> LOVES ME! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">*swoon*</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-26692531496892055672014-01-21T06:59:00.000-08:002014-01-21T06:59:05.188-08:00Stroking the KittyCat- Lessons in Self Pleasure<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So the story continues. I hadn't been dumped so my record
still held...phew. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Nemesis</span></b><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> and his
conscience had to get it together. He had been away about a week and we had
slipped back into the routine of old, communicating any chance we got and partook
in those long phone-calls. There was so much unsaid and I was aching for baby
to come back home. I didn't want to be taken over the table, just to be held
and cuddled. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He called me one night drunk as a skunk talking gibberish
and slurring over his words almost in tears because he missed me. I listened as
he recited poetry and sang to me highly likely dancing across the room
suffocating a pillow. It was just past lunchtime there so he had had a beer
with his breakfast and it had gone south from there. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Might I add that he can write a mad poem, much
better than me.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He sent me an sms during the day talking about the feel of
my skin against his, my breathing on his chest, hearts beating in tune etcetera…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #00b0f0;">“Lying together, nothing between us,
feeling naked skin touching mine, the rise and fall of your body as you breathe
...the involuntary shudder as I kiss your neck, the softness of your breath.
The thoughts I have when I can't touch you”</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Homesickness
and loneliness do nice things to the man. The phone-call ended in fits of
laughter after he had puked his guts out and decided to turn in literally while
the sun still shone.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gents pleeeease I implore you, get poetic with your
women, few things make us as dizzy as short notes, post-its or cute little
letters all over. Dazzle her with a little note stuffed in her toiletry bag, or
a series of them. Cheap , effective ways to make sure you put money in your
bank for later withdrawals *wink wink*.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The next day I chided him for not taking care of himself
and eating right, but my concern was borderline nagging. My mummying of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>always
has either of two effects dependent upon his mood. He can either welcome it
enthusiastically or loathe it emphatically. I honestly didn’t give a damn; I
wanted a healthy, randy man upon his return. The only excuse I would accept was
jet-lag, and that very begrudgingly. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I just grinned at my phone for hours keenly paying
attention to the pulse in my groin. How did he affect me so much so far away? The
thud thud thud was so loud it was now ringing in my ears and making my whole
body ache. Whatever was I going to do? I couldn't respond to his sms (because I
had no credit) and also since i couldn't focus long enough to want to go looking
for any. That night he called earlier than normal in a right panic, wondering
if I was ok and had his message offended me. I let him prattle on and abruptly
told him to hang up. He was taken aback but i insisted, I had a plan and I knew
he was not going to regret it. I had finally found sense and got some credit.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I loaded up a small amount and proceeded to my bubble
bath ...with my phone in hand and got picture happy. I started off teasing him with
a bubbly covered toe and sent that. I moved it up until I got a bit of knee and
thigh out. After each shot, I would send the pictures to him. I did a hand on
cooch bubbly shot. I moved up to the girls and snapped a modest but very
titillating nipples covered shot. Sent that. Then a soapy full frontal shot. Then
I spun around and did the full soapy back shot, to top it off a very steamy
finger in corner of mouth, lips slightly parted juicy looking dripping steamy
shot! That was the coup de grace</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He walked…. no ran out of a meeting with his financiers to
call me immediately. He never returned until the next day. Lied about he wasn't
feeling well and it must be the heat, hell he even begged yellow fever-in a first
world country! He dashed out of the boardroom bent over double trying to get to
where no one would see how excited he was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All he had managed while still in the meeting was a text with wide eyes
and a grinning face. I had him!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I just want to speak to the ladies for a sec, SEND YOUR MAN
NUDES! Especially if he shouldn't be seeing them, remind him why he needs to
rush home. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I finished off my bath and luckily my baby had long since slept. We
had to find a way to release this pent up tension; he was already in his room
by then. He called. It was a very breathy greeting on my part and I took the
lead. With my voice I started to stroke him and take his clothes off. I drew
imagery of how my body looked and felt as I instructed him to take a seat and
let me rub his back, gently kissing it better. I told him to see me throw his
shirt across the room and strut around so that I was facing him full on,
nothing on but some high heels. I told him to lie back as I took his shoes and
socks off and gave a gentle foot rub, feet became calves, became thighs, became...</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With this very vivid imagery going on I told him to watch
me stare him in the eye as I pulled his pants down, digging my nails in. I let
him visualize me throw that too across the room. I made him see me go down
trailing a path of hot kisses and licks till I got THERE. Kissing, blowing, biting,
licking on his neck and ears. Travelling down to his chest, down...down...down.
Then I virtually jumped on the armchair and straddled him with my legs. I let
him imagine me repeating the cycle… All I could hear were moans and groans of
sheer ecstasy over the line as he let his imagination be led by mine. I told
him to wrap his hands around the fullness of my derriere and appreciate the
goddess like form, yeah I said it! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I made him mentally trace kisses along my ample chest and
let him just fall into me. Before long I told him to yank his boxers... I drew
even more torturous diagrams and let myself go completely. I heard him gasp
sharply when I told him to reach down below and stroke it for me. I told him to
be gentle like he knows I would do and directed my muse through each move. I told
him to imagine me going back and forth and becoming more and more ruthless with
him with a wicked look in my eye and fire in my mouth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It took a couple of minutes of encouragement and our own
brand of back and forth dirty talk for me to hear his phone land with a heavy
thud on the floor. OHHHHHHH YEAAAAHHHHHH!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I thought_well done me! What was more interesting was
that this whole experience was a first for me…don’t ever, ever tell him this,
he believes I am a maestro at everything I do and I might lose some bed-cred. By
the time he picked the phone back up I was in tears laughing at him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis </span></b>decided
that it was only fair the favour be returned. He started off aggressively and
commanded that I lay on my tummy and pay attention. He said I should stretch
out my hands above my head and imagine him behind me leaving fiery hot wet
kisses up and down my back and tush. I had the phone firmly clamped between my
ear and shoulder as I let his voice blow over me like a cool breeze. The effect
was amazing! He took me through the motions of all the things he intended to do
to me as soon as he came back. I could almost taste his kisses and smell him
within me. Listening to the rise and fall of his voice as I lay there languorously
stretching my limbs and keening towards his voice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> He told me to turn over
and place my hand down there, I could take as long as I wanted to get there and
take as many detours as I needed to. All I had to do is tell him each and every
move I was making so that he could take back the reigns and tell me what I needed
to do next. As I turned I literally felt a gush go loose and told him this. I heard
him grinning to himself before he proceeded to tell me what motions I was
supposed to be making…I had to “treat his girl right”. iI decided on a very hands on approach- pun intended! I gingerly let my hand
move instinctively and apply pressure, soothe, relieve, stroke, caress ohhhhh
wasn’t it just sublime? Before long he was left talking to himself as I threw
the phone to the side and allowed the tidal waves to take me over. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now it was his turn to laugh!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And laugh he did! We both calmed down and I wiped the tears
from my eyes wondering what had hit me. We indulged in some intense mumbling
and pillow talk way into the rest of the night and even had time to discuss
News headlines from that day. That's just how we roll!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A new level had come into it, a whole new dimension. Is this
how long distance relationships survive? Do they not just go out and cheat on
their partners? How could they if they could have this…I eventually dashed out
of bed and had a quick shower then spent a few minutes grinning and shaking my head at myself in
the mirror and not totally believing what had just happened...*hides*</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-46953381658689096862014-01-21T02:14:00.001-08:002014-01-21T02:14:44.799-08:00Assumption Is the Mother of All F*ckups<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Firstly, my sincere apologies for the forced diet I have
imposed upon you all. It was due to circumstances beyond my control. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That said…………….Wow!! S/O to <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Serbia&src=hash"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Serbia</span></a> , Vietnam , <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Indonesia&src=hash"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Indonesia</span></a> and even <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Australia&src=hash"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Australia</span></a> yes the A-word for racking up the
blog views. Y'all rock. MASSIVE S/O to my homeland <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Zimbabwe&src=hash"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Zimbabwe</span></a> and my adopted home <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23SouthAfrica&src=hash"><span style="color: windowtext; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">South Africa</span></a> for the enormous blog following.
Halaaala! I have also promised to post a picture of the man as soon as the blog hits 5000 views, so if you want to see what my <b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nemesis</span></b> looks like you know what to do.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We left off where my guy had flown out of the country again
and it had been Wailers Anonymous all around. One would be mistaken if they
actually for a second thought that any of what you read last time held water, shame
on you if you did. I would actually stand in the same queue as you, helping you
position your head as you hung it in shame.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> As soon as he landed and got
settled at the hotel the first thing <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> did was call me. Lame reason “didn’t
want you to worry”. But really though, what does it matter whether I worried or
not? We can't be together anyhow so why bother right? Wrong! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have never been dumped in my life and I was really
worried about my reputation, so I asked him. Did you dump me?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He almost barked
down the line saying “Was I mad? And- hell no! Why would I think such
destructive thoughts?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I was confused. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But but but...hold up a minute here!!! What was all that we
can't be together not fair on me diatribe for? Do you like my tears? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shat him out ferociously and he should have
hung up, by Jesus I would have. He listened and calmly said we needed to talk. My
first reaction oddly was 'shut up' you are a man is there no bro code violation
by you using that line on me? We need to talk?? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My second reaction was stop messing my head around. He says
that was never his aim, He asked to freshen up and call me in a bit. So I sat
there scratching my head and going over our conversations, what had I missed? Was
the outcome not that he and me were over? He rang me back after about 30mins
and I tore into him again. He said he never said we should end things but I had
insinuated... ...I had insinuated that after a balanced look at everything
maybe it was better that we part ways, sake of sanity and my child etcetera. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What he had started was a topic for discussion-call it
picking my brain, not a conclusion as my response was received by his ears. Then
we haggled about he meant with the way his life was about to become; he saw it
as unfair to not let me know his worries. What he had was a dilemma that his
integrity brought on. Should we keep on when he couldn't give me all of him or
call it quits before we got more entangled in one another. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Just as you read it is how I saw it too. There were only
two options presented and I went into self-preservation mode.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came to me with
these concerns as a person who was at odds with his conscience; he wanted help
with thinking, needed suggestions not to be shut down. He could see no way to
balance out his dreams and this connection that he had with me and make the two
sync and work together. He made it clear that his dreams and choices made long
before my appearance should not compromise the quality of our relationship. According
to him I deserve the best and he wasn't worthy of me. The best being a man
clung at my hip worshiping and serving me. I was going to suffer his absences
and at times take second place to his aspirations. That was what was eating him
up, why he cried. To that I countered that he was probably sitting at about third
best in my list of priorities but I wasn't catching pains about that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Being second best while a man pursues who he is to become a
better person for himself is more satisfying than knowing he has no life. No
way I can ever expect him to be the best version of himself if I am holding him
back from what would make him whole. Thus far whenever he needed to travel I
had caught no pains about it or made him feel guilty for what he called
abandoning me. Because I never felt abandoned; having enough of a life going on
myself and all. We all need room to breathe, grow and find purpose. I'm not
your typical blow up your phone, email; stalk your every move selfish type. I never
have been. If you want that type go for it but at your own peril. Don't come
back and blame another person for holding you back making you feel empty when
they could be your biggest cheerleader. Don't let another person stand in the
way of your dreams, lover or not. They should support and fuel your desire to
succeed. Only when you've paid your dues to yourself can you start living in
the moment, letting life take over because YOU are satisfied with you. When
your debts are paid to yourself and you've played your role as supporting
partner two wholes can meet and then...fireworks!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> this was my view of it. I know he is
working why should I provide more work by way of stressing him out and being
overbearing. My dreams are by no means as fantastical as his but that gave me
no right to hamper his progress. The two can co-exist harmoniously. He had been
a rock and refuge to me through painful trials and never discouraged me. Why
was I not being afforded the same opportunity? He wasn't always in a position
to help me as I needed it done all the time but HE WAS THERE. I didn't want
stand by him because of a feeling of indebtedness. I wanted to stand with him
because I understood his innermost aspirations, because I believe in him. His
heart is good. This is what boggled his mind. Why did I care, what was it to
me, what did I stand to gain from him finding himself. He still asks the same
questions after all this time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I refuse to repeat myself even now. He knows what I said
and I have held to it. I don't commit by mouth if it isn’t in my heart, in my
being. He had never looked at things this way; it's why he had been alone for
so long because nobody means what they say; hence him presenting me with just
two choices. This also explained why he held to his policies on fairness and
his low perception of self-worth, no one had ever believed in him: said it or
showed it. But here I was half a day away from him telling him that I did. That
he need not question why...that he should take me as I am, sincere. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There and then we both knew it, whatever 'it' was. But we
had something special, we had option number three. We weren’t letting us go that
easy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe ) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-16247977837323446462014-01-17T00:19:00.000-08:002014-01-17T06:01:22.929-08:00The Wretched A-Word<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All too soon I got news from home that my dad was unwell,
there is medication he needed from here so my broke-ass had to hustle. So hustle
she did. I took an advance at work and arranged to send the medication home, it
was delivered safely and there was temporary relief.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A couple of weeks later I had a very candid discussion with
an aunt of mine about assisting the parents back home I could offer none of the
answers I should have been and out of sheer embarrassment and a feeling of
failure I have not been able to even say hi to her, my conscience won’t let me.
I miss the relationship I have always had with her but I can’t bear having a
discussion that highlights my failings as a human being again. Not with all the
beatings life away from home has been dishing out to me. As they say the road
to hell is paved with good intentions, smack a slab on for me if you get a
chance. I might be going there and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>thanks in advance.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Surely my heart bleeds for all the things I know I should
and wish I could do. But I have no money. Some would ask where the father of my
child is. I actually do not know, neither do I care. What help can one possibly
expect to get from a man who took me as far as the High Court contesting the
child support award the court recommended, a man who sends a please call me to
a six year old? But we will discuss the sperm donor another day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> department things couldn't have been
going better...or so I thought. So to take my mind off things we arranged a little get away. Just
to add a bit of fun to things we planned to use someone else's clean sheets
facilities so he had me arrange hotel bookings. To make it even more fun we
decided to travel separately to our love-nest, he drove I used my
Mits-shoe-bishi and taxis. We had a rendezvous point where he picked me up for
the final leg of the trip (it was all very 007,had me tingling)and we checked
in hand in hand, one night away and with doors closed to the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He wanted to take me out for dinner but I had no time for
that, we bought takeaways at a drive thru. The reason we had to go away was he
had made some shocking revelations to me over drinks one night; we had both
ended up in tears. I had a decision to make and I think better on a clear head,
who better to clear my head than he and in his very special way. Once in the
room we ripped into each other both verbally and sexually until all that
remained was a heaving mass of human pulp. He had to check out earlier than me
in the morning because he had a flight to catch. Australia strikes again!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Part of our deliberations the night before and whenever the
A-word came up had been about maybe we should stop seeing each other. It was a
mutual balanced look at the facts on the ground. He would like us to continue
but he felt he wasn't being fair on me or child and a phrase that has become as
rude as Australia in our relationship came up again…he didn’t deserve me or I deserved
better than him. The first time it had come out was just after we had engaged
in coitus for the first time…imagine that as a topic for pillow talk!!! Pah!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The travelling was about to get worse, more often with more
indefinite return dates. He couldn't do that to me. I disagreed. I’m a big girl,
I can take it. We went back and forth on it until we decided firstly that to
avoid hurting my child he would forthwith be removed from the triad. It hurt,
it hurt like hell keeping from her a man she clearly loves and a man she had
connected with so purely that wasn’t her grandfather or her uncles. Secondly I
had decided (during an all-consuming orgasm) that I loved this feeling. If he
was going to go from my baby he would lose me too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I had a choice of how to remember him this
was just the way. I was so high at that moment that I was in tears and wanted
to remember him like that, making me soar so I told him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We held each other and cried through the rest of the night,
mind you he cries more than me- more emphatically even. It takes less to bring
tears to his eyes; the intensity of it is heart-wrenching. His flight was for
3pm. He left and I cried some more for what felt like an eternity, my chest was
caving in. When I got home I just took one look at my daughter and burst into
tears. She knows me well enough to leave me alone sometimes. After almost an
hour she made me some coffee and asked if I was ok. I couldn’t even look at
her, and then she asked me why I was so sad. I steeled myself and told her <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>
was gone and we were never going to see him again, she took a deep breath and
asked why… I have never seen her look so crestfallen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She asked me if I loved him,</span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">nodding and shaking</span> I couldn't answer that and
just burst into a fresh wave of tears , with her patting my back and clucking. Then
out of nowhere she says please can you phone him I would like to speak to him.
I sent him a message to him to ask if that was ok. He gave his assent then I
called him and gave her the phone. She dispensed with the niceties and dived
right in:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Mama told me we are never going to see u again, that makes
me sad but I promise I'll take care of her for you and be a good girl”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I could hear him crying on the other end. Bawling in fact…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She says “I hope you still have the frog I gave you, it
will watch over you keeping you safe”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Then this was the kicker...she says,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b>, no matter where you go in the world u
will always have a home here with us, me and my mum”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I cried, he cried...she just smiled, hugged me and said I
love both of you into the phone. We cried even more. Why????He asked her to repeat what she had just said and she did
word for word. But he still went to go find his shining star</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He still flew…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on twitter @mazituwe )</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">N.B</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Please note, Monday I will do three installments to make up for the lack you shall face this weekend, I am going through some things. For further snapshots of the story you can check my timeline on twitter under the hash-tag #ThisIsMe . Whenever I am unable to sleep and you can't too, you can find me ranting about it there. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-18947613573104210552014-01-16T01:20:00.000-08:002014-01-16T05:45:14.106-08:00Light Me up<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">While <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> was away I had an incident that
involved a light-bulb and lamp holder in my apartment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">The thing that
held it on to the ceiling had three clasps and I had yanked one too hard and it
was now deceased. He had made me promise not to touch it as if for the past few
years of my single life I had needed a recruit to do the man things around the
house, but I decided what the hell, let him have it.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">While he was away
I had put out inquiries to see if I could find someone to share the flat with
as well...BIG MISTAKE. My new roommate , let’s call her Scary Sherry -was on
some next level paste my makeup on, do I look fat in this, crazy bipolar
student tip. She broke things, repainted the walls in foundation, harassed me over the phone ,used my shit
and didn’t wash it and got into waking me at 2/4am talmbout someone's watching her or knocking at the door. She would get up in the middle of the night to touch up her face in a shade of foundation too light for her...like what for dude? </span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">One night when
Scary was away I got <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> to come
over and 'fix' the light since it is such an un-girly thing to do. Baby was
away too so we made an event of it. I was ready in thigh high boots, a black
cut out g-sting and a bust popping embellished black corset with bright red
lipstick on. After he put in the light-bulb we broke in the flat and he lit me
up, formally. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">We started out in the bathroom since it was the closest point to
the entrance of the flat. I proceeded to make a big show of brushing my teeth
and stacking up toiletries and stuff. He stood behind me, watching my face in
the mirror and started tracing kisses up and down the left side of my neck, his
strong hands gently cupping my breastesses …it felt sublime and induced massive
goose-bumps I just swooned. He took me so forcefully I was crying out in
pleasure after just a few seconds. From there we went into the kitchenette for
a sip of water and were eyeing each other over the counter-top, biting lips and
licking tongues…making love faces … he grabbed me over the counter to his side and stood
between my legs then he handled that bit of business. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">Luckily one of my adopted
mums had said her grandchild can't sleep on the floor when she had an extra
bed, so I had a bed now. We violated every surface in that place. Rolled over
onto the bed, on to the floor with a thud that left us both in fits of
giggles…we crawled to the balcony and right there watching people walk past we
broke in the place.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so exhausted I didn't want him anywhere
near me and sent him off to his place. I had baked muffins in the afternoon so
at least he had something to nibble on with his coffee in the morning. I’m a
good, domesticated type and I feed all ends. After a restful night with thumb
firmly planted in mouth, I woke up to start looking for a new place to stay. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">My
first port of call was the former landlord who drew up a jail sentence type
list of requirements. Unfortunately it wasn’t going to work out for us. One of
the conditions was that I had to participate in all church activities
thenceforth, this meant Sunday churching all day,work or no work,Wednesday cell group (to me Wednesday is wine night and
dinner with the girls…sorry) I had to show my faith and commitment by being
able to quote bible verses in response to even the most mundane of life’s
problems . My daughter couldn’t colour in mermaids and other mythical creatures
because this is how demons enter the body…the list goes on. I believe in God
and I pray but the things that went on in this house, I still don't fully
comprehend. Believe in whatever God you choose but don't choke and gag me on it
all in the name of promoting your perception of religion or faith. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">These people
INVENTED God, full-stop. It is my firm belief that this is what they believed.
I was raised in a pretty conservative church setup: these Charismatic
Prosperity and Miracle gospel churches honestly freak me out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">Like I said
before believe in your God your way but don't force me to pay homage to Him
your way. If you howl when you pray...by all means do this. Please don't expect
me to be dancing with joy over impromptu all night prayers in the next room
with work @ 6am. As we have by now already gathered, sleep and I aren't the
best of buddies. She is a cruel fiend, eluding me when I most need her. Now put
that together with 3hourly loud shouting in tongues sessions I had little hope
of making it by moving back there cheap or even for free.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">So I kept looking
until I found an ideal place and made arrangements to go there. Scary Sherry
and her makeup bag had to make a plan; the month I stayed with that girl was
hell. She was a filthy slob, careless and puddle brained. I finally shook her
off. I moved myself n baby to new home and no matter how much <b><span style="color: #0070c0;">Nemesis</span></b> tried to get involved, this was none
of his business. I scrubbed walls and floors and handed keys over to my
landlady of three months. I settled in nicely at the new place and I loved it.
Things were finally settling down in my life n I could see a feint silver
lining on my dark clouds.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">Baby kept
bringing in good grades and the man kept giving good grain...Peace at last!</span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: "Monotype Corsiva";">(follow me on
twitter @mazituwe )</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-54196156346558676742014-01-15T00:35:00.001-08:002014-01-15T03:41:23.584-08:00Erotic Games-Hide the Sausage<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He came out of the airport and straight into the hatch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had been gone 6weeks now. I had to keep busy so I got some
friends over and prepared to make them dinner. I had finished shift at 2pm and
spent 2hrs napping. Around 4pm Nemesis texts me some silly, random and disarming
nonsense. I couldn’t be angry because it was so cute.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He sold me some cock and bull story that he had run out of
credit for roaming and he apologised for being MIA. I bought it. I had kept
myself too busy to give a damn anyway. We texted back and forth a bit more then
he just stopped replying, as suddenly as he had started. While I was bathing he
resurfaces and says tells me to get naked. I told him to fuck off since I had
guests and he was in Australia anyway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To that he replied 20minutes. I told him to go hang. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He replies: make that 15.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I lazily dragged my carcass out of the bath to go and buy
supper stuff. The girls got out of the door before me and my daughter and one of
them run back into the flat bouncing all over the place. As they stood
screaming '<b><span style="color: #0b5394;">NEMESIS'</span></b> is outside and I was mid eye-roll, a text comes in from him
saying come to the gate now. My eyesight is pretty bad, I will say this now. He
had parked where I could see him from my door (if my eyes worked) but I still
doubted it was him. Not to be rushed I sashayed down the stairs to the gate. As
I got there my footfalls quickened into a proper gallop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He was back!!! My <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nemesis</span></b>
was back!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost dived into
him through his open window, smacking and punching his chest. No kiss has ever
tasted so sweet. None. My wobbly legs somehow managed to get me to the other
side of the car and I got in. My friends and baby had driven out and he refused
to let me out the car, as if i wanted out anyway. I gave them the money I was
going to buy supper with...</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have never seen him drive his car so fast. As the garage
door closed at his place almost half of our clothing was off. We could eat and
talk later. We left his luggage in the car because he had come to see me
straight from the airport. He literally carried me up the stairs, leaving a train
of clothes all the way. Bed, floor, head banging on walls, kitchen counter,
stairs, dining-room table, at the sink, in the big tub upstairs, in the shower...you
know the drill</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He only let me go when I was shaking with hunger. Then we
went for dinner and got to catching up. On the upside his meetings had gone
exceedingly well and it had been well worth the effort; on the downside this
meant he would be travelling more often and as with this trip without any
warning. I was conflicted to say the least primarily due to the fact that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it was obviously something he wanted so badly
and also since this had dire implications for our relationship. I brought him
up to speed with everything that had been going on since he left and I barely
ate due to a combination of butterflies from finally seeing him and a churning
stomach from what he had been saying. We went back to his place mmmmmmm!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My legs could shake all they wanted the man was home and he
deserved his dues. It had been a good day at work the girls had got pizza and
chicken then instructed me not to come back until I was realigned sufficiently,
apparently I had a severe pheromone imbalance and had become a thorn to their
sides with my unpredictable mood swings. Bullshit if you ask me…but I wasn’t
about to back out on a good game of “Hide the Sausage”.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See, another thing
about me is that monogamy is a major turn on for me, I become like a crazed
animal when handed the pole by someone whose trust and respect is mutual and I will
give as good as I get. This is the first relationship in a few years where I have
felt so secure mentally and emotionally that a lack of the physical is as
orgasmic as a time of plenty. This man is so sexually skilled that what had
been done before his departure kept me sailing through the entire six week
hiatus. You know how it is when you get it so good that even the richest,
sexiest, drop-dead-gorgeousest man of your dreams doesn’t interest you in the
slightest. When you would rather wait and be faithful knowing upon his return
he is going to make everything alright again, you don’t need anything else. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There
was nothing before him and there will be nothing after.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Boy was I realigned, well into the next afternoon. We had
our usual morning ritual and went back to bed after I had spent the whole night
being held tight, caressed, whispered to and cuddled. We didn't need more.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With a massive display of reluctance, he returned me home. Once
there he insisted on repaying that lady from the hospital saga and made sure
that I conveyed his thanks for everything she had done.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since the babysitters didn't want give me back my child, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nemesis </span></b>came to get me again...Nether regions don't
tire.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was onnnn</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on twitter <complete id="goog_1956110527">@mazituwe )</complete> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8019314077031402165.post-89030108204232659332014-01-14T01:49:00.001-08:002014-01-15T00:40:01.234-08:00Separation Anxiety<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Disaster number two to test the relationship arrived. This
time it was him, not me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
There is a project he and his partners had been working on for a few years that
had finally started to bear fruit. Naturally I was happy for <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nemesis </span></b>but this also meant that shit got real, it got
real very rapidly. He was now focusing his energies on traveling outside the
country and garnering support for setting his dream up…in Australia!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
I sat there staring at him with my head spinning and in a mish mash of
emotions, especially since he seemed so pleased with it all. I have also learnt
to be happy for my lover when he gets the things that make him happy, as he is
pleased for me whenever I register a personal success. It allows both of us to
develop outside of one another so that we can be the best possible partners to
one another. Having been as honest with me as long as he had all along, I knew
exactly what this opportunity meant to him. I asked when he leaves. He said the
next night. I swallowed hard and grinned even harder, wished him all the best for
his trip and tried to keep my food down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
We chatted and I made myself sound braver than I felt. I told him not to worry
about me I am used to being alone anyway. I would be fine. In reality I wanted
to break down and give God a stern talking to about why he would let me lick
such joy and yank it from me. I lashed out on my own after he dropped me off.
If there had been any furniture in that flat I would have destroyed it all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Honestly what wrong had I done, this man had come in and become a compliment to
my life and then this shit??? Was God teasing me? Why? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
We spoke on the phone through that night; he would sleep on the plane I
couldn't sleep anyhow. He was going to be gone for two weeks. I sat there and
thought here goes he's just your typical man. Gets you hooked, gets some nookie
and disappears. Oh well this was it! I was beyond angry but consoled myself
that at least it was worth the ride no matter how short the ride was. God and I
had lots of long talks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
He landed safely and the first thing he did was call to let me know he was
safe. I am paranoid about flying over water and flying at night now put the two
together… Those two weeks dragged on too long. We spoke constantly; he phoned
for at least an hour every night. We missed each other bitterly. To be honest
he wasn't here physically but apart from being unable to kiss and be held by
him he was with me all the time. Even with the time difference I wonder now
when he actually got any work done. As fate would have it I hadn’t been tested
enough apparently.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
His trip was extended by another week, but it was worth it everything was in
order it was just loose ends that needed tying up. Third week away passed and
sadly it looked like another two weeks were necessary. Any faith I had recovered
faded there and then. I hadn't even known him that long but it felt like a part
of me was missing. Food was tasteless and nothing motivated me</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
As usual when things don't go my way I threw myself into work. I worked Mon to
Fri at new job, still waitered weekends for tips to buffer the income up a bit.
If I got a booking for nails too I went for it. I was cruising on autopilot
running three jobs, baby also needed me I was overdoing it. Stupidly telling
myself that there was plenty of time to sleep when I die. All things being
equal I had to make rent, fees, food, sanity and all of them were running low. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I collapsed one day coming from work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
After an ambulance ride to hospital, being revived, checked out and cleared to
go home. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nemesis </span></b>was
frantic trying to reach me. I had low blood pressure. I was to take it easy and
got booked off work from exhaustion. I couldn’t afford off-days at a new job;
it was a no-brainer. So I kept going and never mentioned this to anyone at
work, luckily I chose Sunday to get up to these shenanigans. Now on top off all
my problems was a hospital bill to pay as well. Luckily and unbeknownst to me a
woman staying at our complex had followed the ambulance to the hospital. She
paid the bill and said I can cover it when I settle a bit; she had seen me
around and appreciated what I was doing for my baby.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
She took it upon herself to look out for my girl until I came back home and
even made me food. I was blown away. She hardly knew me. To this day I still
don’t even know her name. On the other side of the world there was a man losing
his mind and wanting to get on the next plane back home as soon as he found out
that I was incapacitated. My friend made sure she assured him I was taken care
of and that it was my wish that he see his work through, which I insisted in
fact!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
I had no food, in an empty house and pride the size of Kilimanjaro. Despite
being asked if I needed money by various people and even
him</span><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I ate soup for days</span> . Whichever way I made a way. When I finally admitted defeat to him and that
I needed help financially he tried repeatedly and failed to get money to me. I
never told him the full extent of how bad things were, and then he added
another 5days to his trip. I flipped a lid then, in no uncertain terms I told
him where to get off. He got the brunt of all the hell I was going through, as
well as my mourning of the dead relationship with my sister and the pressure
from family back home that seemed to convey that I was overreacting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
I just missed him, we could get on the phone and he would listen to me crying
until I fell asleep, not talking and never fully saying what exactly was wrong.
It was everything and it was nothing, how was this mess I was in any of his
business anyway. I felt bad for needing a crutch and having accepted help from
anyone at all. Acts of charity from strangers make me feel like I am the
subject of pity and nobody likes a pity party: I am not used to help even from
my family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
Another thing I discovered is that I lose teeth when I am stressed out. I lost
3 last year alone this is also why soup became my friend. I made sure baby ate
properly though, if we had a piece of meat in the house it was hers. I had to
save up for the mammoth rent that was due in a matter of days. Just in the nick
of time the old job paid out for leave days and with my half-month salary I
just made rent, fees and some food. The boss also threw in a little bit extra. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
All was well. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Nemesis </span></b>had
gone quiet for three whole days. I did my restaurant shift on a Saturday and
went home...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(follow me on twitter <complete id="goog_2030336164">@mazituwe )</complete> </span></div>
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364716669255135197noreply@blogger.com5