Cupid Strikes

The blog-post yesterday stirred a lot of feelings, not everyone found it agreeable or tasteful, though a lot secretly liked it …but since this is my story, it shall continue. 

We incorporated our new found distraction into our repertoire and both found that it shortened otherwise long and dreary days. It made the yearning less profound and was always a nice wind down to me especially since I would go to bed with a massive grin on my face. Sometimes he would be awake and I asleep but I found a way to make sure Nemesis had a pleasant image to go to sleep with. I would take pictures and stuff at night, talk to him deep into the night and then bombard him with 'gifts' around 9am here, 9pm there. It worked out really nicely really, he talked to me before he went to work and I had his voice in my ear before I slept. 

Two weeks slipped by and I hardly even noticed. I did my usual me things whether he was here or not, dinners, walks, reading, park, dancing and movies. At the start of the third week he announced he would be back at the end of the next one. I still got on with my life though I was missing him. Then the time for him to return finally came aound. He had organised a surprise getaway for me and with no clothes to change I was spirited away. Who needed clothes anyway when it was going to be room service all around? We were not there for the scenery or buffet. 

Strangely enough, that night we just held each other and talked. Drowning in each other's eyes and just feeling one another’s heat and breathing. When morning came, it REALLY came! We loved each other deep and tenderly. It was effortless, the feeling of falling into him and I didn't want to leave. He had left his house-keys with a friend, hence us not going to his home the previous night by midday we parted after he got them.

In other news ……He was only here for a week. He had just returned to finalise renting out his place as he used it so little lately. The idea of occupying it had flitted through my brain but the logistics would never pan out and he would never accept my money be it for rent or household utilities. But I wasn’t about to put myself in a position where I imposed upon him to be super charitable to me in a hidden contract like that, it would only compromise me at a later stage.

Besides it was far too big and out of the way for me. I like my small place at least it's my OWN space.

We packed as much activity as we could into that one week, music shows, dinners, chats, scrabble it was like a dream. We made sure we had extensive quality time with one another until the morning he had to leave again. He was apologetic and feeling the pits. Never having been too good with goodbyes myself, he always went to the airport on his own and stored his car safely. He had spoiled me with enough chocolate to carry me through my sudden voracious cravings and spread a warm fuzziness all over me.

I have never been at pains about his comings and goings because at any given time we both know exactly where we are and what each of us is doing. It was a voluntary disclosure, he did it because he never wanted me to be worried about him but I did it because I wanted him on his toes, to show that in my world he is important but not so important as to stop the sun shining he had to know that I was to be pursued and worked for. Some men are strange like that the more you hide the less they care, the more you show the more they want to know. Mysterious balance; and it goes against every value drummed into you by all those relationship and self-help books doesn’t it? But this works for us, knowing where I was and what I was doing wasn't saying he should leave me alone, but he should know that my being with him is a choice I have made. I fit him in my schedule when it suits me and if it doesn’t he has to find ways to entertain himself and not look to me for suggestions. Or make me feel bad about enjoying whatever I am doing, if twiddling my fingers for hours or watching my nail polish dry stimulates me I will do that over giving him half-baked company.

His not being here didn't mean I wasn't dressing up and going out, or being looked at and asked for my number. But it got to him…JACKPOT! I felt a heady happiness from knowing he actually felt he had something worth holding onto in me. I giggled as I pictured him pounding his puffed out chest like the Alpha gorilla staking his claim that she is MINE MINE MINE! Though when talking to me it was all yeah have fun, but behave, but kill them with your hip-sway, but don't let anyone near you. Welcome you Green-eyed monster you! 

For some days I had been feeling super low and no matter how chirpy I tried to sound over the phone, at work, with people I was drowning and fast getting depressed. I didn't know what I wanted. He picked up on it from the first day. He would joke and lift my mood until it was all ok again. Yes I am a grown woman but I just wanted my mama. I just wanted to tell her so much and just to be in her company even if it would be just for a day; I also wanted a long walk with my father.

Here I was trying to eke out a living in a foreign land, overworking and just missing familiarity. Nothing around me seemed kind or in the least bit hopeful. I dreaded waking up as much as I dreaded trying to get to sleep. I was still trying to be Superwoman juggling three jobs and mothering a child that left me mentally drained with her 40yr old mind. I had too much going on and absolutely nothing going on all at the same time. I just wanted to scream!!! 

When Nemesis called that night he did most of the talking. I had no energy for enthusiasm and I was even happy he was away. If he had been around and we had plans this was one of those days I was going to turn him away and bolt the door, guilt-free and jubilant. As we spoke, he was rambling and rambling and I was just affable. 

He spoke my full name……that grabbed my attention. He never does that

It was as if someone had told him all the things I was failing to say and he told me that he knew and that he understood everything. He said to me he knew I was feeling alone and that no one cared or worried about me. Feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, a near sight suicidal.

He got all that HE understood it but HE needs me, HE wants to be with me, HE is missing me. Most of all...

He is in love with me

He has known it for a while and maybe this isn’t the place or way to tell me. But NEMESIS LOVES ME!

*swoon*

(follow me on Twitter @mazituwe)